Fresh Look…

Ok, so yes, I have been MIA for (gasp!) 3 months!
I am fully aware that this absence is just not on. Just. Not. On.
I thank those readers who have not just left me by the wayside like some blog orphan. I appreciate it so much.
So bare with me while I try and invigorate this blog that I simply cannot (and WILL NOT) leave.

Certain Facts

So work, as is the case, is slowly sapping my will to live.
To indicate to you how it has affected my health would make me sound like I needed a full on therapy session. So no, I wont bore you with the ins and outs of my mental and physical health. Just know, for all points and purposes, that I work in a hell hole. Ok? Ok!

The kids are growing so fast it is ridiculous. Go to my “about me” page and see the twin’s latest photo. Cannot believe how time has passed. I will do an full on pic blog post from the time when they were tiny tots, to now. If I can just manage to relax enough to do so. Wow.
N has lost her first tooth already and A is keen on loosing his. I had to sit him down and explain how it is NOT a good idea to just go yanking out teeth left, right and centre. Kids hear tooth fairy and their brains are: KA-CHING!!! *sigh* So basically it is this right now in my house…

KA-CHING!!

KA-CHING!!

New Look

Right, so as you will notice there is a new look to this blog site. I decided that change is as good as a holiday, and since I cant get a damn holiday I might as well refresh the look of my blog. Makes total sense.
I know in the past it has focussed a lot on the kids and gradually moving on to working mommy rants and such. But I feel it could be so much more.
So this, henceforth, will be a blog about anything and everything. A more well rounded blog, makes for a happy blog. Although this brings me to the question of what category of blog I will fall under. It used to either be “parenting” or “twin mommy” or “working mommmy”. Its now all three AND general. I might need your help on this one. Any suggestions??
Leave any ideas you have on anything in the comments. Would be great to hear what you think because right now…

Idea...

Idea…

So until then, laterz all….

Short Fuse…

Exactly

Exactly

Ok, so I have noticed that my ability to hold my anger or annoyance to certain things has gotten a lot shorter as the years go by. About 8 – 10 years ago, it would really take a lot to get under my skin. These days it sometimes just takes someone looking at me the wrong way for me to become instantly annoyed or aggressive.

• I become rather uptight when the kids don’t want to go to bed on time. Me knowing fully well that they will be exhausted at school the next day, which leads to crankiness and moaning and crying (sometimes by me) etc. I’m sure you get the point.
• I become insane when the boss at work does not want to approach the Executive Director regarding a matter that clearly only he at his level is able to approach the ED with.
• I spit acid when asked to do something purely because no one else wants to and has blatantly refused the boss’s instruction. Have some balls boss man!
• 24/7 “shiny happy people” annoy me. Coz Seriously? There is no way you can always be in a good mood. I want what you’re on buddy.
• Paying an exorbitant amount for a premium tv package (you know who I am referring to) and there is bloody nothing to watch on any of the 100+ channels!
• When you earn more money than me and you’re in the top job, do not expect me to do your job for you. You were hired in the post under the fact that you could actually do the job. Imagine that!
• When I say I am sick I mean it. The fact that I come to work to continue to provide a service to my clients does still not mean I will do your job for you. Also? I am grumpier than normal.
• When the till at the grocery store says 10 items or less, for the love of all that is good in the world, don’t come there with more than 10 items!!
• If you are a learner driver I can understand that you need practice out there in traffic in order to get the experience. But never ever think that driving in the “fast lane” is ok. Because that is when I lose my sh*t.
• Taxi’s. ‘Nuff said.

There are probably more things that would make my blood boil, but I will not regale you with that. It could go on forever.
Even through the darkness that is life’s annoyances however, there are most definitely things to be thankful for and things that make me happy and smile:

• Coffee
• Cigarettes
• Hugs and kisses and I love you’s from my family
• A nice cool afternoon
• Perfect silence
• A roof over our heads and food on the table
• Good friends
• Laughter
• A good book (although I haven’t read in ages, but you know what I mean)
• Making friends with people who live in other countries and yet it feels like we’ve known each other for years :)

*Thanks “your e cards” you couldnt have said it any better (as usual)

A Little Bit Of Randomness…

I can’t seem to focus on one thing lately. It’s like so many things to think of and get done, that I’m just too tired to care. Make sense? Yeah, me neither.

My brain has become totally stagnant of late. I probably have a bunch of things that would sound perfectly blog worthy, but nothing that springs to mind in terms of a full blog post. Random little bits of shit that goes on in my head that couldn’t fill one blog post. So you know what? I’m putting all of it into one blog post. At least it is out of my head and I can clear some space for some kind of epiphany to hit. Scratch that. Any bit of space right now is probably more than welcome.

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I wish I really didn’t have to come to this hell hole I am currently working in. Granted I suppose every place has its issues. But issues regarding competency of staff and not enough staff to deal with the work load is bordering on ridiculous. It is also now the wrong time of year to start looking for a new job as people want to hold onto theirs to receive that all important 13th cheque so that they can survive the dry mid December to January month up until January pay day. This won’t happen for me as I am still on contract and clearly we don’t count. The post has been advertised and shortlisting has begun. We now wait and see. I’m not being positive on this one.

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It’s gradually becoming hotter. And I am gradually becoming more agitated. This being over and above my normal agitated, anxiety stricken, angered state.

It is a well-known fact (one that I think I have bitched often about) that Summer and myself are born enemies. The heat is just too much and once we really get that Summer heat coming our way, I don’t foresee it being a pleasant experience.

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My son is of the fact that he has superior knowledge to anyone else. For a 3 yo who will be four in November, he speaks like a 6/7 year old. He sometimes even sits with his foot crossed on his knee. It’s like he is this tiny old man. It’s borderline freakish sometimes.

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Remember that moment when I said that my daughter doesn’t speak much? I should have shut the hell up then and have been f*&^en thankful for it. She is now loud and obnoxious to a point where I feel the last threads of my humanity slipping away and turning me into the “Mommy Beast”. Maybe it’s not all that bad though. I reckon she just picks her moments of conversation (read: loudness) at the time when mommy is at her mental weakest. I swear she is psychic.

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I have this notion that I might have some slight depression going on. Or maybe I just have bouts of irrationality. Is the first step admitting it? Or is it just something that happens to gradually build up to a point where you think, I just can’t do this anymore. I’m looking into the solutions…

I Dont Even Have A Title For This Post…

You’re probably in shock. I know, I am too. Another post? So soon after the last one? Miracles do happen folks. Yes, indeed they do. That and of course the fact that I just can’t bear to look at the paperwork that is on my desk any longer. It’s making me dizzy. Seriously.

I forgot to mention in my last post that my beautiful N is now on the same level of potty training as her brother! And, she did this all in one week!! It’s now just the night time routine that I need to work on with both of them and then folks, WE ARE NAPPY FREE! 

Today is one of those days where I wish I could crawl under a rock and stay there. Of course, it being Monday does not help. I already wish it was weekend again… 

Speaking of weekend, you know, Friday morning I was fine getting up, even coming into work I was fine. But then, like getting smacked in the back of the head, this feeling of total and under depression/anxiety or whatever you want to call it just overcame me. It was all consuming and I just didn’t have the capacity to want to do anything. I took my anxiety/stress pills. It kind of settled me somewhat, but not completely.

It could also be that they are currently advertising the position I am currently on contract in. I am applying, but who knows if I will be successful. My contract comes to an end in December.

On the other hand, I have also come to the conclusion that working in an academic environment is really crap. Give me the Human Resources aspect of a manufacturing environment any day. It hands down beats the crap that these academics put one through. I think it is utterly ridiculous that a Professor cannot tell when he/she is supposed to retire. Do you not know how old you are? You think I jest, but no folks, the stupid things that are asked by “supposed” intellectuals just baffles my average mind. The mere fact that they are too lazy to look up something on a PC that they have access too is just plain ridiculous. For heaven’s sake, you get paid a shit load to teach and mold young minds. You’re trying to tell me you can find a simple policy on our staff portal? How stupid do you think I must be to NOT pick up the fact that you’re just being a lazy ass who doesn’t want to do the work? Just because you are a Professor does NOT and I repeat NOT entitle you to be a complete jerk.

This is going to be a long week…

We All Need To Be Honest Here…

I have always said that the need for moms to be more honest about motherhood is the key to helping one another.

I have been wanting to blog about this for a while now, but as you have noticed it’s almost like I have been swallowed by the world.

I read a post from Celeste over at Reluctant Mom today and it resonated with me. It’s like she has my brain!

Do yourself a favour and read this post and if you genuinely can deny that you NEVER EVER  feel like this at times (regardless of whether your kids were planned, unplanned, or you struggled to conceive), then, well good for you.

http://reluctantmom.wordpress.com/2012/02/08/the-next-person-who/

Feel free to leave comments about this on here too. I love a good debate.

That Time Of Year Already?

As Christmas approaches and everyone gears up for the holidays, I take time to reflect on how bloody fast this year has gone.

I look at the progression of life as we gear towards a New Year and can only wonder if it will go a little less hectic and a lot more smoothly.

My kids:

The one thing that I do know is that they are really growing up to be little adults.

A has a vocab range of a 5 year old and sometimes I think he has a really old soul. He has full blown conversations with you that will blow your mind. It is really like you are talking to a child who has gone to school already. It is at times also rather freaky. We have taken extra care not to talk about certain things as he has the ability to retain info more than the average three year old. The only thing that brings me out of this line of thinking every now and then is that he has the ability (read: annoying ability) to whine and just sometimes be a complete 1 year old. Although I have just put it down to (for my own sanity actually) him being just over tired sometimes.

N is truly improving in her speech and now babbles non stop. It is a mixture of words and baby lingo at some ear bleeding high pitch. She is rarely quiet these days and has the ability (read: mind numbing) to throw tantrums to the likes which you have never seen. She is “fashion conscious” to a degree. For example: she will not wear long pj pants with a short pj top. It is either short or long. Done deal. Also if she doesn’t like the shoes you put on with her outfit it is outright war. Same goes for if she doesn’t want to put on a particular item of clothing.

Potty training is proving to be a challenge. Although A will put on underwear and maybe get it right every now and then the majority of the time he wets himself. Granted he is responsive to the potty idea and underwear. N on the other hand point blank refuses to go near a potty. Point blank refuses to put on underwear. It gets to a point that she throws a complete meltdown even when A has on underwear.

Side note: Which brings me back to her “fashion conscious” issue. She sometimes throws a fit when she doesn’t approve of what her brother is wearing. I have been trying to instill in her that A can wear whatever (read: whatever I put on for him) he wants. It has nothing to do with her. The battle continues with this however. I am convinced (read: my paranoid side) that my daughter has an OCD issue? I am not sure how you tell this with 3 year olds but I reckon I should investigate it maybe.

The battle rages on in an effort to get the twins out of nappies. It is proving to be a little harder than I imagined. I reckon A will progress well into the potty mode. He is receptive and sometimes asks for underpants. N is treating it like it is the portal to hell. Will not even look in its direction and if you show her panties she freaks like nothing you have ever seen. Will have to figure out how to work this out. Nappies are just bloody expensive damnit!

Work:

I was so excited to finally get back in to the working world after taking the time away (read: couldn’t find a suitable helper) to be with my kids. I have enjoyed that period of time and will always be thankful for it. I am not however that type of person. I need to work. It is engrained in me and when they were old enough (and we found someone suitable) I went back into the job market again.

What I failed (or maybe forgot) to realize at the time is the amount of absolute bullshit that goes on in the working world. Naturally since I am so “lucky” these days, I happened to find a job in the most F*cked up place in the whole entire world. Ok, so maybe I am exaggerating, but seriously, the stuff that goes on here and the processes just kill me. I will be scouting around next year for possible other job opportunities.

Life:

It seems that 2011 has been the “let every damn appliance and vehicle f*ck out and leave you with nothing” type of year. It is ridiculous!

We have to date:

Replaced the TV

Replaced the Fridge

Replace the bottom element of the oven

Replaced the microwave

Sent the car in to fixed like a bajillion times (of which the latest happened only yesterday!)

Washing machine was doing some stupid crap but it seems to be ok now (just F off Murphy!)

A1’s laptop had to go in for repairs

Financially it TOTALLY sucks. I am not even sure what else to say on this topic because it just sucks.

And so…

Here I sit and patiently waiting until the 21st December to go on leave for the Christmas holidays. I am exhausted and cannot wait. It has been a long tiring, trying and all around ok year.

I will probably post maybe over my break, but just in case I get lost in life again, here’s wishing all of you and your families a blessed festive season and a wonderful new year!

 

When On Earth Did She Get There??

This morning before the ass crack of dawn (03h37 to be precise), I felt a kicking in my lower back. Followed by a pulling of my hair. I was half asleep and completely out of it as usual. I’m mostly “out of it” these days, but that’s a WHOLE other story.

Anyways, I “swat” at whatever it is thinking it might be A1 or something to that effect. Except I hear a very light moan. I groggily turn around and to my surprise N is in the bed. WTF??

I politely kiss her head and pick her up and put her back in her bed. I sleepily retreat back to my own bed and hope that I can fall asleep again in order to just get a little more time before the 04h30 alarm for work starts to blare. I close my eyes.

Only to be awakened by the blaring sound of my alarm at what seems like 2 minutes later. WTF?? How did time speed up all of a sudden. And also to my non amusement I have N staring at me in the face again. Double WTF?? How is she so quiet in terms of sneaking into the bed? I reckon A1 and I are probably so damn tired we don’t even hear her climbing into our bed. Maybe she had a nightmare. She didn’t wake up screaming and crying at all.

And to boot just before leaving for work the power in pretty much all of where I live goes out.

Why does this feel like remnants of a Monday??

Stuff…

I can’t think of a damn thing to write. Nothing. Zip. Nada.

 It’s like my brain has become totally stagnant of late. I probably have a bunch of things that would sound perfectly blog worthy, but nothing that springs to mind in terms of a full blog post. Random little bits of shit that goes on in my head that couldn’t fill one blog post. So you know what? I’m putting all of it into one blog post. At least it is out of my head and I can clear some space for some kind of epiphany to hit. Scratch that. Any bit of space right now is probably more than welcome.

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I wish I really didn’t have to come to this hell hole I am currently working in. Granted I suppose every place has its issues. But issues regarding competency of staff and not enough staff to deal with the work load is bordering on ridiculous. It is also now the wrong time of year to start looking for a new job as people want to hold onto theirs to receive that all important 13th cheque so that they can survive the dry mid-December to January month up until January pay day. This won’t happen for me as I am still on contract and clearly we don’t count.

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It’s gradually becoming hotter. And I am gradually becoming more agitated.

It is a well-known fact (one that I think I have bitched often about) that Summer and myself are born enemies. The heat is just too much and once we really get that Summer heat coming our way, I don’t foresee it being a pleasant experience.

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I have recently wrapped up watching all four seasons of the TV series True Blood. What’s so wonderful about it you ask? I don’t know. Ok, so maybe the men are slightly hotter than normal. Other than that though? I am not entirely sure what the draw in is here folks. And yet I have gone through all four seasons of it. It is interesting in certain parts and certain characters draw you in, sometimes to the point of tears. But hear me when I say only certain characters, not all. But as a whole? I dunno. The jury is out on this one.

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My son has a way of grating my last nerve. But it’s just so cute I just really can’t yell at him. He says the other day “movie mommy”. So A1 and I go through the list of their movies they like and all he says is “hmm, noooo, how about….” And then just stops, mid-sentence.  This goes on over and over and over again. Half drives me batty and half makes my heart smile.

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It has taken me two days to write this blog post. Two days! I just couldn’t finish yesterday no matter how hard I tried. I couldn’t get that 5 minutes I was looking for. But I am at least better off than what I was and am putting up a blog post. This makes me feel good. And at the moment I am all about wanting to just feel good.

 

The Real Story…

Lately A has been asking me to tell a story of the three bears. It’s cute.

Except I never get to the end. The story telling bit comes after their night bottle and they’re chilling (aka running around like maniacs like its the first time they have played today) before bed time. He will politely come lie down on the couch and say “story mommy” “three bears mommy”.

So, I duly start telling him the story of Goldilocks and the Three Bears. I get right around the part when Goldilocks enters the house and he loses all interest and leaves to run around with his sister. Maybe I am telling it wrong? Maybe it’s only interesting up until that point? Maybe I should alter it a little bit.

Something like this …

 Once upon a time there were three bears. They all lived in a wonderful house in the forest and were happy.

One morning they heard a knock at the door and when daddy bear went to open it (because mommy bear was still in her pj’s and wouldn’t even attempt to open the door looking like that), there stood a young girl. She introduced herself as Goldilocks and said that she was rather hungry and wondered if the bears could spare any food, a place to rest her aching legs and possibly a place to take a nap.

Daddy bear told her to hold on he would check. Daddy bear then relayed this information to mommy bear who, still in her pj’s, was trying to get some clothes on baby bear’s ass so that he would look half decent and was trying to keep an eye on the porridge.

Mommy bear huffed and stated that she can’t deal with that now and for daddy bear to sort it out.

Needless to say Goldilocks ate all the porridge, ruined the chair she was given to sit on (the one mommy bear told daddy bear to fix ages ago) and, when mommy bear eventually found out what was happening, Goldilocks slept in daddy bear’s bed as daddy bear slept on the couch.

 

The End

 

You think he would sit still through that story?

Any other stories that you think could be modified?

I Clearly Never Thought This Through…

Bribery always comes back to bite you on the ass.

Don’t believe me? Well this is how it goes in my household at the moment…

A while ago I was at my wits end trying to get A to eat his supper. I then (in a momentary lapse of judgment) said: “if you eat this I’ve got a surprise for you”. Yes folks, I had resorted to bribing my child. I was tired as hell and just didn’t have the mental capacity for the all-out battle that would ensue over supper. So I just went the easy root. (Insert minus points on the Mom of the Year Award tally).

You realize that A has the most amazing memory thing going for a two year old. He will remember things that happened two weeks ago, whereas I sometimes can’t remember something from two days ago! Anyways the situation is now that whenever A1 or myself say “Please won’t you just eat this, go to sleep, pick that up, stop hitting your sister etc. etc. etc.” he then just retorts “then surprise!”

Sometimes I just suck at this parenting game.