The days seem to just fly by in a blur and I seem to be getting more exhausted with every waking moment. I need to sleep and yet I just can never seem to get enough. I can feel the effects taking hold. My concentration is not what it should be, I’m zoning out at the most inopportune times and I’m completely short tempered. I’m not in the mood for much and I generally have a don’t care kinda attitude towards everything. Did I mention also that for some reason for the last couple of nights I wake up at exactly 03h20am?? This is not me and I hate feeling this way. However there are just not enough hours in the evening to get a good nights rest.
My working week is what takes it out of me completely. Don’t get me wrong, I’m enjoying being employed and it’s in the field of what I want to do and although I have to start at the bottom again, I’m determined to work hard and work my way up again. Anyways my day usually resembles the following:
04h30am wake up
get washed and dressed
all of this takes place while trying not to wake
06h00am fetch L
06h30am leave for work
07h30am arrive at work
16h00pm leave work
17h00pm arrive home
17h00pm take L home (A1 then takes over for a bit and
and watches the kids)
17h00pm – 18h00pm we play with kids and make their supper
18h00pm kids have their supper (have two minutes to maybe
have a coffee!)
I just have to interject here and say that we have not sat down since we got home.
Also luckily L baths them before she leaves, which is one less thing I have to worry about. Bless her.
19h00pm kids have their night bottle
20h00pm put kids to bed
20h30pm or sometimes as late as 21h00 depending on how
long kids take to fall asleep, we then decide what
is for supper.
23h00 eventually bed!
Maybe I need to figure out another way to make this work. I’m just too tired and my body is eventually gonna put hands up and scream “I SURRENDER!” We get home in the evenings and the kids always greet us with smiles and love and yet all I can think about is how long till bed time! Does that make me a bad mother? Do I need to review this routine we’ve got going on here?
I desperately do want to spend time with them when we get home, but of late I’m so exhausted I really just couldn’t be bothered and I say to myself “I’ll make it up to them on the weekend”. And really I do try my best over a weekend to spend a good amount of time doing this, but I’m also trying to maintain the house and such and sometimes it just exhausts me further. And then by Monday I’m pooped and the cycle starts all over again.
A solution needs to pop into my head soon because honestly I’m just too tired to make the effort and think.