I used to have an endless amount of patience. I used to be calm and serene and it would take a lot to really tick me off.
In the 2 years and 8 months since becoming a mom I have completely lost that. I mean completely. There’s not even a bit hanging by a thread. That broke a long time ago.
I now lose it for almost anything. This is solely because of the kids. I know it sounds bad to blame them, but its the honest truth. I’m laying it out here for everyone to read. Its because of them I have no patience left and that it has filtered into not having patience with the outside world.
I have become “that” customer. You know the one. The one who has a total flap when the slightest bit of service is not satisfactory. I hate myself for it sometimes, as sometimes it is worthy of just letting it go but I cannot control it.
I have spent the majority of the day being a bad parent. Yelling at the kids for their fighting, climbing and touching on things. I should’ve been able to handle this better. Should’ve being the operative word. I couldn’t. I lost all sense of composure.
I don’t know if I will ever be able to recover that “me” that could handle a situation without the dragon lady (aka bitch) making an appearance. I am totally irrational and will inevitably be in a crap mood the rest of the day.
I reckon only time will tell whether there is hope for me or not.