Seeing Through The Fog…

It has been nearly two full weeks since I started at my new job, and wow, what a difference in life it makes when you’re in your correct working environment! I literally feel like a brand new human being! I’m not even kidding when I make that statement.
In between my meds and getting the opportunity to bond with the kids more by now being able to take them to school in the mornings, and a new more stable working environment, I think I might actually get the hang of this “Life” thing. I somehow feel a little less out of control and a little more balanced.
I know all the issues within me as a person are not 100%, but damnit it feels good to ‘see through the fog’ for a change!

Just as recently at 3 months ago I was ready to walk out of my previous job with no further employment to go to. This folks, as we all know, in today’s climate is not a viable solution. I might not have elaborated as eloquently as I should have about how bad the “hell hole” really was on this blog, but some insights are here if you search the tag or category of “Work”.
The place was (and I’m not exaggerating here) literally killing me. It was sucking out my will to carry on. When I say soul sucking, I mean it! It is really an interesting topic of discussion (psychologists take note) “How a working environment can affect a person’s overall well being”. Or maybe there has been research on this?

I pretty much had two personalities. The wife & mom at home who was OK and content. Versus the working woman who was miserable out of her damn mind close to a nervous breakdown. It when the “working woman” started creeping into “wife & mom” that the alarms started going off. I have it on good authority that it is damn near impossible to function this way. Yes, obviously we behave differently at work than we do at home, but that is the difference between professional and relaxed at home. That is the ideal way to function. I clearly wasn’t. Hence the alarms. Which I also clearly ignored. For way too long.

I suppose in hind sight I should thank my previous employment for pushing me to the breaking point in that I finally sought help. Which led to tests, which confirmed numerous things for me. The depression being one of them. So yes, I shall give them that. And only that.
Granted there are people that I do miss. OK, only two people really. It broke my heart that I had to leave them behind when I can clearly see how that place is affecting them. I sincerely hope that they, by some miracle, find other employment too.

Now don’t get me wrong, the new place is far from perfect, but those challenges can be managed. Those that being on good stress. It is the negative stress that does the damage. Remember that.
I also had to tell myself, and consciously do every day, that I will not fall into the same work “traps” again. The same shit that contributed to my health decline (mental and physical). The same shit of dealing with incompetence and just accepting it. And in general, the same shit. Nope, no more. Fresh start, new outlook and all around better functioning.

Here’s hoping you all had a decent week and if not, remember that as much as what you think you are alone, you’re not. You sometimes just need reminding of that. So here is me reminding you!
XOXO

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2 thoughts on “Seeing Through The Fog…

  1. I’m so happy for you Yas! 🙂 I’m also happy you tweeted this blog cause I didn’t even know that you had one! 🙂 Wow do I have some catching up to do! You give me hope that maybe one day I dare to change as well… Maybe. xxx Kati

    • Thanks hun! If anything at all from this blog, I do hope it reaches people who need it. One of the reasons I started it so very long ago was to not feel so alone. To hope that there were others out there with feelings similar to mine. Thanks foe reading! xoxo

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