2014…

So a New Year is upon us all and I am sure everybody is back in the swing of things. Work, kids back at school or perhaps first day of school and the usual chaos that ensues.
Before going back to work while on my vacation (all be it a short one)I tried to reflect on what 2013 has been like and lessons that I have learned throughout. The below are some of the major ones:

Kids will always be some kind of enigma. They are evolving constantly and as a parent, I have found at times that it is sometimes difficult to keep up. It could also be of course that I am a working mom, but nonetheless I find myself sometimes baffled by what comes out of their mouths. I am the first to admit that, yes, I at times do underestimate them in terms of their independence and perhaps I need to lay off the “molly coddling” as it were.
Lesson? Try and go with the flow (a little).

Kids are giant germ carriers. Really. Despite my best efforts, trips to the hospital emergency room were unavoidable in 2013. Also at God forsaken hours. *sigh* Lesson? Try to be less of a germaphobe and understand that kids will get sick. However personally, I draw the line when your kid is in hospital for 3 days. I had to restrain myself after that to not go into full sterile mode and put them both in plastic bubbles forever. *sigh* So, the internal battle continues.

The harder you work, the more people will take advantage of you. The lesson is that you can work hard and provide an excellent service, and just say no when necessary and valid. You are no one’s door mat and will not let the stress kill you. Mantra for 2014? “I will not stress over shit that is not within my control”. Yes, it’s a mantra, I don’t do resolutions. Whether or not this mantra stays throughout 2014 is debatable, but I shall give it a shot in order to avoid the stress and anxiety. Also, will look for another job.

Some health issues have popped up in 2013, but seems to be manageable. I hope. I have for a long time lived with endometriosis. Managed just fine with the help of my wonderful doctor. Things have progressed to a level which is different right now and that requires certain other treatment. But yes, manageable for now. Which I am happy about. Lesson? Don’t panic.

I recently took a look at my blog and found it to be somewhat on the side of just mom stuff and kid stuff and work stuff and… well anyway, you get the point. So look for big changes in 2014! New and interesting things are afoot. Granted it might take a while, but I am glad to still have you all around to experience it with.

xxx

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Thoughts…

As I sit here at my desk (at work) I look and my screen and all the paper work that surrounds me and for a second I forget what it is I am supposed to do. There are numerous things that need to be done and I havent got the ability to care. Plain and simple.

My will (or lack thereof) to do what needs to be done has totally left me. I recently looked at the time and it occurred to me that I have been so busy from the time I set foot in the “hell hole” that time has escaped me completely. I have now no energy or capacity to carry on for the rest of the day. Pathetic really, but hey I get stuff done. Being overloaded with work is no easy task you know.

You may ask yourself, “then what the hell is she blogging for if there is sooo much work?”. Well that’s pretty simple. I enjoy blogging. Did I once say I enjoy work?

I Dont Even Have A Title For This Post…

You’re probably in shock. I know, I am too. Another post? So soon after the last one? Miracles do happen folks. Yes, indeed they do. That and of course the fact that I just can’t bear to look at the paperwork that is on my desk any longer. It’s making me dizzy. Seriously.

I forgot to mention in my last post that my beautiful N is now on the same level of potty training as her brother! And, she did this all in one week!! It’s now just the night time routine that I need to work on with both of them and then folks, WE ARE NAPPY FREE! 

Today is one of those days where I wish I could crawl under a rock and stay there. Of course, it being Monday does not help. I already wish it was weekend again… 

Speaking of weekend, you know, Friday morning I was fine getting up, even coming into work I was fine. But then, like getting smacked in the back of the head, this feeling of total and under depression/anxiety or whatever you want to call it just overcame me. It was all consuming and I just didn’t have the capacity to want to do anything. I took my anxiety/stress pills. It kind of settled me somewhat, but not completely.

It could also be that they are currently advertising the position I am currently on contract in. I am applying, but who knows if I will be successful. My contract comes to an end in December.

On the other hand, I have also come to the conclusion that working in an academic environment is really crap. Give me the Human Resources aspect of a manufacturing environment any day. It hands down beats the crap that these academics put one through. I think it is utterly ridiculous that a Professor cannot tell when he/she is supposed to retire. Do you not know how old you are? You think I jest, but no folks, the stupid things that are asked by “supposed” intellectuals just baffles my average mind. The mere fact that they are too lazy to look up something on a PC that they have access too is just plain ridiculous. For heaven’s sake, you get paid a shit load to teach and mold young minds. You’re trying to tell me you can find a simple policy on our staff portal? How stupid do you think I must be to NOT pick up the fact that you’re just being a lazy ass who doesn’t want to do the work? Just because you are a Professor does NOT and I repeat NOT entitle you to be a complete jerk.

This is going to be a long week…

The Brakes Have Been Put On….

Ok, FINE!! I lied. Happy now? Yeah, I told a fib.

In my defense I really really did think that the nightmare was over. I mean really. Who could have predicted what is currently happening now?

Ok, let me try again, just in case I have totally confused you and have made you wonder if I have completely gone off the rails (ps: I’m not far off), you might want to read this post first. It might bring some clarity about what I am going to bitch about now.

Remember when I was so happy that Maternity Girl came back and that my workload would return to normal? Remember how enthusiastic I was and did I mention Happy?

Yeah, short lived.

Turns out one of my other colleagues was booked off for stress. Now I’m usually a sympathetic person and can totally understand stress. I have it myself and the others who actually do their job are under enormous stress as well. But for three months? I mean COME ON!!

We all are under stress and I understand that some people handle it differently to others.  I can go through the headaches followed by the cleaning of blood out my nose caused by stress, which clearly I am not going to bore you with now, and yet I am still at work. The thought of having myself booked off for stress hasn’t even crossed my mind. Why? Because I know that there is a job to be done. I know that should that work not be done there are implications. Don’t get me wrong, should I be genuinely sick I will do the necessary, but stress can be sorted by taking a few days leave and maybe making an appointment with a psychologist should there be underlying issues. Being booked off by a GP for a period of longer than 5 is also illegal. A specialist can only book you off for longer.

After that rant let me just clarify that since Mr Stress has been booked off I have been covering his space. And OMG is the space a mess. I mean not little issues, I mean WTF issues! Issues dating back to last year. Issues that I now need to sort out. It is overwhelming and depressing at the same time.

With trying to sort out the messes and trying to do the new work coming in, I genuinely don’t think I am going to see the light of day any time soon. It has prompted me to think what on earth this guy was doing while he was here. Work? I don’t think so!!

I have managed to calm down his severely angry clients and have tamed them enough to be meek and mild as a lamb. Meaning I had to graft and make sure everything was perfect. It is exhausting. I barely feel human by the time I get home. It is affecting my interaction with the kids too. I am just too damn tired to full on play and enjoy them. I feel bad.

And yet, I pick myself up and go to work each morning. I don’t book myself off for fatigue, or stress or the like.

Am I being mean? Probably. But that is the zone I am in right now. Am I stressed? Definitely. Do I sometimes resent the fact that I have a conscience? Yes. Some people just get away with more than what is normal. Am I saying that there are no consequences to his actions? No.

We will just have to wait it out and see.

Guess What?…

Well ladies and gentleman I am back!

Did you miss me? Really? Did you?

I have crawled back out of the hole that I was being swallowed in and have emerged somewhat dishelved, but none the less alive. I am still on the precipice but I am out none the less. It’s a good feeling. The frustration and stress involved was just, at times, too much. Not healthy either. I am not 100%, but it’s better than being at 0% really.

The last couple of months have been a total nightmare at work and I just didn’t think that I was going to make it. Well, clearly, here I am. “Maternity Leave Girl” has FINALLY graced work with her presence and the workload for me has lightened. I feel like an 18 wheeler, no a mountain,  no…wait…the titanic has been lifted off my shoulders.

I am hoping that I will get to be more active on my blog. I have so dearly missed it. And all of you.

🙂

That Time Of Year Already?

As Christmas approaches and everyone gears up for the holidays, I take time to reflect on how bloody fast this year has gone.

I look at the progression of life as we gear towards a New Year and can only wonder if it will go a little less hectic and a lot more smoothly.

My kids:

The one thing that I do know is that they are really growing up to be little adults.

A has a vocab range of a 5 year old and sometimes I think he has a really old soul. He has full blown conversations with you that will blow your mind. It is really like you are talking to a child who has gone to school already. It is at times also rather freaky. We have taken extra care not to talk about certain things as he has the ability to retain info more than the average three year old. The only thing that brings me out of this line of thinking every now and then is that he has the ability (read: annoying ability) to whine and just sometimes be a complete 1 year old. Although I have just put it down to (for my own sanity actually) him being just over tired sometimes.

N is truly improving in her speech and now babbles non stop. It is a mixture of words and baby lingo at some ear bleeding high pitch. She is rarely quiet these days and has the ability (read: mind numbing) to throw tantrums to the likes which you have never seen. She is “fashion conscious” to a degree. For example: she will not wear long pj pants with a short pj top. It is either short or long. Done deal. Also if she doesn’t like the shoes you put on with her outfit it is outright war. Same goes for if she doesn’t want to put on a particular item of clothing.

Potty training is proving to be a challenge. Although A will put on underwear and maybe get it right every now and then the majority of the time he wets himself. Granted he is responsive to the potty idea and underwear. N on the other hand point blank refuses to go near a potty. Point blank refuses to put on underwear. It gets to a point that she throws a complete meltdown even when A has on underwear.

Side note: Which brings me back to her “fashion conscious” issue. She sometimes throws a fit when she doesn’t approve of what her brother is wearing. I have been trying to instill in her that A can wear whatever (read: whatever I put on for him) he wants. It has nothing to do with her. The battle continues with this however. I am convinced (read: my paranoid side) that my daughter has an OCD issue? I am not sure how you tell this with 3 year olds but I reckon I should investigate it maybe.

The battle rages on in an effort to get the twins out of nappies. It is proving to be a little harder than I imagined. I reckon A will progress well into the potty mode. He is receptive and sometimes asks for underpants. N is treating it like it is the portal to hell. Will not even look in its direction and if you show her panties she freaks like nothing you have ever seen. Will have to figure out how to work this out. Nappies are just bloody expensive damnit!

Work:

I was so excited to finally get back in to the working world after taking the time away (read: couldn’t find a suitable helper) to be with my kids. I have enjoyed that period of time and will always be thankful for it. I am not however that type of person. I need to work. It is engrained in me and when they were old enough (and we found someone suitable) I went back into the job market again.

What I failed (or maybe forgot) to realize at the time is the amount of absolute bullshit that goes on in the working world. Naturally since I am so “lucky” these days, I happened to find a job in the most F*cked up place in the whole entire world. Ok, so maybe I am exaggerating, but seriously, the stuff that goes on here and the processes just kill me. I will be scouting around next year for possible other job opportunities.

Life:

It seems that 2011 has been the “let every damn appliance and vehicle f*ck out and leave you with nothing” type of year. It is ridiculous!

We have to date:

Replaced the TV

Replaced the Fridge

Replace the bottom element of the oven

Replaced the microwave

Sent the car in to fixed like a bajillion times (of which the latest happened only yesterday!)

Washing machine was doing some stupid crap but it seems to be ok now (just F off Murphy!)

A1’s laptop had to go in for repairs

Financially it TOTALLY sucks. I am not even sure what else to say on this topic because it just sucks.

And so…

Here I sit and patiently waiting until the 21st December to go on leave for the Christmas holidays. I am exhausted and cannot wait. It has been a long tiring, trying and all around ok year.

I will probably post maybe over my break, but just in case I get lost in life again, here’s wishing all of you and your families a blessed festive season and a wonderful new year!

 

When The Realisation Hits…

I often think to myself that I shouldn’t become overly involved in things that are out of my control. And yet every single time, like clockwork, that’s what happens.

Why I continuously allow myself to get sucked into lies and empty promises I will never know. Actually, maybe I am just too tired of trying to speak up when no one listens.

Case in point as of late. One of my colleagues here at work has gone on maternity leave. Good for her. Sucky for me. First you must remember that I work at a University. Second there are very large faculty’s. Third, I work in the Human Resources Dept which is responsible for things like recruitment of staff, retirements, resignations etc. you get the picture.

Right. Anyways, she has gone on maternity leave and I have taken over her role until she comes back. She has two major faculties (science and health science) and other smaller areas. Now before she went I was only handling one faculty. That of Education. This was also me filling for another consultant who resigned.

Then came a whole “restructuring” and the consultants (of which I am not officially one and am still on contract) kept their current load but were taking on the add ons from the consultant who resigned. It was said to me that I would handle maternity girls’ job and Education would go to another consultant. Everyone agreed. And the consultants took on their newly acquired units, or departments or faculties.

Still with me? Good.

Fast forward to now, where I am holding down the fort with maternity girl’s work and of course lo and behold, the person who has taken over the Education Faculty, hasn’t stepped up to the plate.

No one, and I MEAN NO ONE (the boss) gives a damn. I have spoken to boss man at least 5 times now stating that if I carry on with that extra faculty, work is not going to be completed by shutdown! Does anyone listen? No.  I am now drowning.

But you know what? I woke up this morning and it dawned on me: Why am I the only one stressing? Why am I the one totally wracking my brain to utter exhaustion trying to sort out EVERYTHING? Why? I now actually DO NOT care. I am taking it one day at a time and what gets done, gets done and to the best of my ability. And what doesn’t, is not my problem. I have stated my concerns (to which I have witnesses) and nothing has been done.

My conscience is clear folks. And I shall be able to breathe for a bit.