How do you deal…

With the loss of a child? A loss I would not ever in the deepest darkest pit of hatred wish on any person.

Recently my cousin and his wife went through this loss. Their son was 6 months old. I never, ever want to have to watch and bare witness to such grief ever. This happened at the beginning of August. I have only now gotten to the point of writing about it. The utter stripping of someone’s emotions in that way was more than I could take. And if that is the way I feel by it being someone else’s child, I think if I was in their shoes, it would break me. Completely and utterly break me.

When I spoke to my cousin that night I was speaking to a man who looked to be defeated by life. He just sat outside, in the dark, all alone. His wife had been sedated and was in a restless sleep in the bedroom.
What I saw in those eyes I couldn’t begin to explain. They say the eyes are the window to the soul and, think what you want, I could see a broken person on the inside. And yet outwardly he projected the role of a strong devastated husband and father with the standard “God knows best” and “in time we will heal”. No! I wanted to hit him right there. Instead, I opted for bare honesty.
I looked him square in the eye and I said you don’t have to do this anymore. You don’t have to be the strong devastated father and husband. What you are right now, is a inconsolable, grieving parent. And if you continue on this path of being sanctimonious about it, then youre going to make this harder than it already is. And if you need help then dont think anyone will judge you if you do. Its none of their business anyway.
My fragile calm was slipping. I hugged him tightly and went home to my husband and two children, crying in the car on the way home.

Chatting to my mom later the evening, she indicated to me that my cousin finally broke down. Finally. I couldn’t tell you if it was my words or just the fact that the day had finally caught up to him, but silently I prayed a thank you. I sent a msg to his wife later that evening and the thank you I received was more than enough.

Grief is handled differently by different people. However if there is even the slightest way of helping someone, even if it is a short moment during a hug, then do it. It could also just be me, but I find the usual cliché sayings at funerals to just be so grating. “It’s God’s plan”, “He/she was too good for this world”, “I can only just imagine how you must feel”.
Regarding that last statement in particular: Unless you have gone through that situation or something really really similar before this, then NO, you cannot imagine how that person feels! Not in a millions years will you ever be able to imagine how that person feels at that moment. Rather, perhaps, go with “Im not going to pretend to know how you feel, but just know I am here if you need me”. It’s not forceful and it’s not condescending. But hey, as I said, it could just be me. And no, Im not being a complete sanctimonious asshole either. I can kind of see how the above might look that way. We are tested. Daily. How you deal and who you rely on during those tests is entirely up to you.

Sometimes we go through life doing our everyday business and not stopping and smelling the roses as it were. Time could be on our side or maybe it won’t be. Good thing we don’t know. All the more reason to try and do right the first time around. And as a spanner in the works, its also never too late.

Much love
A Little Less Fluff

I Looked A Little Deeper…

As human beings, we often tend to get caught up in the hustle and bustle of daily life and such and kind of just become drones. I know that sounds strange, but its the truth. At what point did we become like this? At what point did we forget to stop and “smell the roses” as it were?
Society in general puts pressures on the youth, young adults, working/married couples to constantly strive to that utmost of achievements. And yet when you step back, ask yourself “what is it that I truly want?”.

If you just take the smallest of moments, you’ll realise that there are people around you who love you. That friendship doesn’t end when you start a family. That the most irritating of questions from your your young children is giving you the opportunity to nurture their enquiring minds. That even if you think you are, you are not alone.

In all this, I do actually have a point, seriously, I realised that especially the last point rings so true. My post yesterday yielded such a response of support, encouragement and acknowledgement from others that it struck me (and reminded me) why I started this blog in the first place. Support, encouragement and acknowledgment.
A week ago I was thinking of deleting it all together. The husband, in his wisdom, stated that it would be a bad idea. The blog is a testament to how I’ve progressed and how far I’ve come over the years. My journey to the here and now is laid out in the 150+ posts I have. I let the thought go with a reminder to myself that I would come back to this. I did. Last night I let it all out. Here, on my blog, and I don’t regret my decision to keep it. It is truly a chronicle of my journey and I wouldn’t let it go for the world.

Yes, I know that was some deep sentimental shit right there. A little introspection does wonders for the soul.
To all my followers (old and new) I thank you. I really do. Rest assured I’ll be around more often this time. 😉