I Want Sleep….

I get up this morning for work and I just am so tired. Granted I have been tired for the last two years and 8 months, but that’s beside the point. I. Am. Tired.

When I lay my head down to sleep at night I am out like a light. Unless I am having one of those days where the voices inside my head won’t let me go to sleep. They babble about all sorts of things. “Did you remember this” “Did you do that” “Why won’t you do this” “I don’t think you need to do this” “Those kids are going to be the death of you” “Why don’t you just run away, nobody will notice” “It’s ok, you will just have to stay fat forever, you cow”. You know, the usual. I end up having a restless night because of this. Or I grind my teeth. Much to A1’s  annoyance concern. It is sometimes so loud I actually wake him.

Yes folks I will have no teeth by 35! The joys!

Then of course there are my completely F**ked up dreams. I mean to the point that they sometimes scare the crap out of me. It’s not like wake up sweating in the middle of the night type stuff, because sometimes I am so deep into sleep that I “see” the whole dream through. And that is more terrifying than anything else. I will not go into it here because frankly I do not want to remember what they are about and I have mentally blocked them.

What I wouldn’t give for uninterrupted sleep without alarms going off and to just wake up whenever it is I wake up. No dreams, no grinding of teeth, no noise. Just utter peace.