Seriously? Seriously!

Oh my word! I really, really, really have some serious issues. I’m thinking it might actually be slightly sad and pathetic right about now.

I think by now I have made my aversion to mosquitoes quite clear. I don’t like them; I never have and never will.

Which brings me to the situation I found myself in a few minutes ago.

I head off to the bathroom at work (because I have had waaaay to much coffee in a short space of time!) and head into the stall. The tiny window is open. Why when it is freezing outside I do not know. Anyways, I walk in, lock the door, and there on the wall above the cistern sits a big ass mosquito. I freeze. I have just heard someone else walk in so the other stall (there are only two in this particular bathroom) is occupied. I remain motionless. Staring at the big ass mosquito and wondering how the hell I was going to pull this off.

I had one of two options:

I could attempt to swat it, but Murphy is always in the wings and I will inevitably miss and then pant and grunt as I attempt to re catch and swat it in a tiny bathroom stall. This of course will give the impression to the occupier of stall number two that the occupier of stall number one (aka me) has somewhat of a stomach issue and will want to find out if I am ok. Now I don’t know about you, but I am not cool with “chatting” to people from a bathroom stall. Whether it be at work or the mall (side note: I will attempt to the best of my ability to avoid a mall bathroom. But that is a whole other post altogether), I just don’t dig it.

Option two of course would be to leave said stall and come back later when occupier of stall two has left. But this would be really strange as nothing has been happening in stall one which occupier of stall two might find strange. Wait! I could fake flush the toilet to make it look like I was done and then come back later. Yes! That could work!

I must just mention that at least 4 minutes have passed and that it was nearly past the time that an average person would go to the toilet to do a “number 1”. I also have still been maintaining eye contact with said bug of death and destruction and have not budged an inch. I also realized I have kind of been holding my breath a bit. Which made me fall slightly backwards into the door, which caused somewhat of a loud banging echo!

F*&k!

Silence from stall number two.

THANK YOU!!

I was going to go with option two. It seemed viable. But then my bladder clearly had other ideas as in between having the coffee I have just been so busy I have not gone in a while. I should’ve by this point have gone like an hour or so back already.

So I decided with option 1.

I missed.

I said over a dozen curse words under my breath.

Luckily for me the bug of death and destruction merrily flew out the tiny window. To which I obviously shut it. By this time occupier of stall two had flushed and was nearly out the door. I merrily carried on with my business and hoped I would run in to no one in the passage.

I really need to get over the mosquito issue. But in all reality we all know I never will.

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THOSE things again…

So there we were, idly minding our business and it was nearly the kids bed time.

Someone popped by for A1 earlier and while they were chatting the front door was open. So was the window in the entrance area. It was a really nice winters’ day so we could at least open the windows without turning the house into a frozen cavern of sorts.

Anyways I am getting excited (as I usually do, such a stellar mom I am!) because it’s nearly the kid’s bedtime. You can admonish me later, but for now humor me.  😉

I look over to the lamp near to the TV ( I don’t know why but I did) and look at the ceiling. I froze. There in all their glory sat not one, not two, but five fecking mosquitoes. Now, you all know how I hate the blood sucking fiends (check here), so you can totally imagine my reaction. I. WILL. NOT. TOLERATE. THEM. I refuse.

I call A1 to have a look and he says he will see to it soon. Soon? Ummmm, I don’t think the fact that there were FIVE MOSQUITOES staring at me (and yes they were staring at me from way up there, plotting their little group attack and laughing at how they were going to suck every drop of blood from my body. Yes, I know I am being irrational.) I was starting to panic. What if there were more? What if there was a whole horde of them hiding all over the house?

I think A1 might have noticed my panic stricken “Ok” to his statement and duly when to fetch a heavy towel to kill the buggers off. We had to use that because the kids were around and couldn’t use spray. I have a thing about inhaling chemicals.

And so the splatting began. I somehow managed to get my act together and caught a stray one mid flight with my bare hands while jumping up in the air looking like something had bit me on the ass. The kids found this clearly amusing and started laughing and even clapping. I think I pulled a muscle in my side/back area.

But victory was ours and all of those creatures were done and dusted. I felt victorious, and proud and the mistress of my home once more.

That muscle in my side/back area still hurts….

Fluff’s Top 5

Bugs…

  • Mosquitoes
  • Fleas
  • Spiders
  • Cockroaches
  • Generally anything with 6 or more legs

I feel I am going to do one general explanation for all of these. I can’t stand them! Inside or outside the house, I can’t stand them. I am paranoid (as I’ve mentioned – a lot) and if I am outside and even see any of the above in my vicinity, I am convinced that:

  1. It is on me.
  2. They will enter the house and violently attack me.
  3. It is on me.
  4. They will stalk me and make sure I pay for my hatred.

Irrational? No, dear friends.

Firstly, I am allergic to mozzie and flea bites. I don’t just get a tiny red itchy dot. I get a huge red itchy bump. Now picture a couple of bites here and there and presto! I look like the elephant man.

Secondly, spiders (all shapes and sizes) have the ability to get anywhere and just breed! Hundreds! Thousands! Ahem, sorry. They are nasty and where I live I have seen some that will dazzle you. Next time I see one I am so posting a pic. We have had one in the past that was the size of a dinner plate. I’m not kidding.

Crawling insects in general are creepy. I cannot handle the fact that they are so disgusting. Six legged little things and their horrible 6 or more legged cousins. Yes, I am of the opinion that they are all related somehow.

Needless to say that the one thing I cannot live without in the house is Bug Spray. Must. Always. Have. Bug. Spray.