Short Fuse…

Exactly

Ok, so I have noticed that my ability to hold my anger or annoyance to certain things has gotten a lot shorter as the years go by. About 8 – 10 years ago, it would really take a lot to get under my skin. These days it sometimes just takes someone looking at me the wrong way for me to become instantly annoyed or aggressive.

• I become rather uptight when the kids don’t want to go to bed on time. Me knowing fully well that they will be exhausted at school the next day, which leads to crankiness and moaning and crying (sometimes by me) etc. I’m sure you get the point.
• I become insane when the boss at work does not want to approach the Executive Director regarding a matter that clearly only he at his level is able to approach the ED with.
• I spit acid when asked to do something purely because no one else wants to and has blatantly refused the boss’s instruction. Have some balls boss man!
• 24/7 “shiny happy people” annoy me. Coz Seriously? There is no way you can always be in a good mood. I want what you’re on buddy.
• Paying an exorbitant amount for a premium tv package (you know who I am referring to) and there is bloody nothing to watch on any of the 100+ channels!
• When you earn more money than me and you’re in the top job, do not expect me to do your job for you. You were hired in the post under the fact that you could actually do the job. Imagine that!
• When I say I am sick I mean it. The fact that I come to work to continue to provide a service to my clients does still not mean I will do your job for you. Also? I am grumpier than normal.
• When the till at the grocery store says 10 items or less, for the love of all that is good in the world, don’t come there with more than 10 items!!
• If you are a learner driver I can understand that you need practice out there in traffic in order to get the experience. But never ever think that driving in the “fast lane” is ok. Because that is when I lose my sh*t.
• Taxi’s. ‘Nuff said.

There are probably more things that would make my blood boil, but I will not regale you with that. It could go on forever.
Even through the darkness that is life’s annoyances however, there are most definitely things to be thankful for and things that make me happy and smile:

• Coffee
• Cigarettes
• Hugs and kisses and I love you’s from my family
• A nice cool afternoon
• Perfect silence
• A roof over our heads and food on the table
• Good friends
• Laughter
• A good book (although I haven’t read in ages, but you know what I mean)
• Making friends with people who live in other countries and yet it feels like we’ve known each other for years 🙂

*Thanks “your e cards” you couldnt have said it any better (as usual)

The Brakes Have Been Put On….

Ok, FINE!! I lied. Happy now? Yeah, I told a fib.

In my defense I really really did think that the nightmare was over. I mean really. Who could have predicted what is currently happening now?

Ok, let me try again, just in case I have totally confused you and have made you wonder if I have completely gone off the rails (ps: I’m not far off), you might want to read this post first. It might bring some clarity about what I am going to bitch about now.

Remember when I was so happy that Maternity Girl came back and that my workload would return to normal? Remember how enthusiastic I was and did I mention Happy?

Yeah, short lived.

Turns out one of my other colleagues was booked off for stress. Now I’m usually a sympathetic person and can totally understand stress. I have it myself and the others who actually do their job are under enormous stress as well. But for three months? I mean COME ON!!

We all are under stress and I understand that some people handle it differently to others.  I can go through the headaches followed by the cleaning of blood out my nose caused by stress, which clearly I am not going to bore you with now, and yet I am still at work. The thought of having myself booked off for stress hasn’t even crossed my mind. Why? Because I know that there is a job to be done. I know that should that work not be done there are implications. Don’t get me wrong, should I be genuinely sick I will do the necessary, but stress can be sorted by taking a few days leave and maybe making an appointment with a psychologist should there be underlying issues. Being booked off by a GP for a period of longer than 5 is also illegal. A specialist can only book you off for longer.

After that rant let me just clarify that since Mr Stress has been booked off I have been covering his space. And OMG is the space a mess. I mean not little issues, I mean WTF issues! Issues dating back to last year. Issues that I now need to sort out. It is overwhelming and depressing at the same time.

With trying to sort out the messes and trying to do the new work coming in, I genuinely don’t think I am going to see the light of day any time soon. It has prompted me to think what on earth this guy was doing while he was here. Work? I don’t think so!!

I have managed to calm down his severely angry clients and have tamed them enough to be meek and mild as a lamb. Meaning I had to graft and make sure everything was perfect. It is exhausting. I barely feel human by the time I get home. It is affecting my interaction with the kids too. I am just too damn tired to full on play and enjoy them. I feel bad.

And yet, I pick myself up and go to work each morning. I don’t book myself off for fatigue, or stress or the like.

Am I being mean? Probably. But that is the zone I am in right now. Am I stressed? Definitely. Do I sometimes resent the fact that I have a conscience? Yes. Some people just get away with more than what is normal. Am I saying that there are no consequences to his actions? No.

We will just have to wait it out and see.

It’s Not Going To Be A Good Week…

You know how I know I am going to have a rough week?

L has had to go to family for three days (as in out-of-town family). Today being day 1. She is back on Monday. I don’t think I am going to cope with how my kids are going to be over the next three days.

You see, I have to drop off the kids at my mom’s for the next three days before work and collect them after. My mother gives them free reign and they can go crazy. Aka, they will drive me crazy when I collect them after work. Aka, this is not going to be a good week.

I’m sure you know how it is when the kids are with the grandparents. With mine it takes a while before I get them to be at least semi behaved and less hooligan like. I could go into the nitty gritty of why this is but I figure it is pretty self-explanatory and frankly I feel like a zombie at the moment.

Let’s hope I make it to Monday in one piece.

Stuff…

I can’t think of a damn thing to write. Nothing. Zip. Nada.

 It’s like my brain has become totally stagnant of late. I probably have a bunch of things that would sound perfectly blog worthy, but nothing that springs to mind in terms of a full blog post. Random little bits of shit that goes on in my head that couldn’t fill one blog post. So you know what? I’m putting all of it into one blog post. At least it is out of my head and I can clear some space for some kind of epiphany to hit. Scratch that. Any bit of space right now is probably more than welcome.

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I wish I really didn’t have to come to this hell hole I am currently working in. Granted I suppose every place has its issues. But issues regarding competency of staff and not enough staff to deal with the work load is bordering on ridiculous. It is also now the wrong time of year to start looking for a new job as people want to hold onto theirs to receive that all important 13^th cheque so that they can survive the dry mid-December to January month up until January pay day. This won’t happen for me as I am still on contract and clearly we don’t count.

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It’s gradually becoming hotter. And I am gradually becoming more agitated.

It is a well-known fact (one that I think I have bitched often about) that Summer and myself are born enemies. The heat is just too much and once we really get that Summer heat coming our way, I don’t foresee it being a pleasant experience.

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I have recently wrapped up watching all four seasons of the TV series True Blood. What’s so wonderful about it you ask? I don’t know. Ok, so maybe the men are slightly hotter than normal. Other than that though? I am not entirely sure what the draw in is here folks. And yet I have gone through all four seasons of it. It is interesting in certain parts and certain characters draw you in, sometimes to the point of tears. But hear me when I say only certain characters, not all. But as a whole? I dunno. The jury is out on this one.

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My son has a way of grating my last nerve. But it’s just so cute I just really can’t yell at him. He says the other day “movie mommy”. So A1 and I go through the list of their movies they like and all he says is “hmm, noooo, how about….” And then just stops, mid-sentence.  This goes on over and over and over again. Half drives me batty and half makes my heart smile.

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It has taken me two days to write this blog post. Two days! I just couldn’t finish yesterday no matter how hard I tried. I couldn’t get that 5 minutes I was looking for. But I am at least better off than what I was and am putting up a blog post. This makes me feel good. And at the moment I am all about wanting to just feel good.

 

When The Realisation Hits…

I often think to myself that I shouldn’t become overly involved in things that are out of my control. And yet every single time, like clockwork, that’s what happens.

Why I continuously allow myself to get sucked into lies and empty promises I will never know. Actually, maybe I am just too tired of trying to speak up when no one listens.

Case in point as of late. One of my colleagues here at work has gone on maternity leave. Good for her. Sucky for me. First you must remember that I work at a University. Second there are very large faculty’s. Third, I work in the Human Resources Dept which is responsible for things like recruitment of staff, retirements, resignations etc. you get the picture.

Right. Anyways, she has gone on maternity leave and I have taken over her role until she comes back. She has two major faculties (science and health science) and other smaller areas. Now before she went I was only handling one faculty. That of Education. This was also me filling for another consultant who resigned.

Then came a whole “restructuring” and the consultants (of which I am not officially one and am still on contract) kept their current load but were taking on the add ons from the consultant who resigned. It was said to me that I would handle maternity girls’ job and Education would go to another consultant. Everyone agreed. And the consultants took on their newly acquired units, or departments or faculties.

Still with me? Good.

Fast forward to now, where I am holding down the fort with maternity girl’s work and of course lo and behold, the person who has taken over the Education Faculty, hasn’t stepped up to the plate.

No one, and I MEAN NO ONE (the boss) gives a damn. I have spoken to boss man at least 5 times now stating that if I carry on with that extra faculty, work is not going to be completed by shutdown! Does anyone listen? No.  I am now drowning.

But you know what? I woke up this morning and it dawned on me: Why am I the only one stressing? Why am I the one totally wracking my brain to utter exhaustion trying to sort out EVERYTHING? Why? I now actually DO NOT care. I am taking it one day at a time and what gets done, gets done and to the best of my ability. And what doesn’t, is not my problem. I have stated my concerns (to which I have witnesses) and nothing has been done.

My conscience is clear folks. And I shall be able to breathe for a bit.

 

Where For Art Thou BlackBerry??

Ok, so by now I think EVERYONE knows that the Blackberry services are down. Crashed. Dead. Whatever.

What the people who are fixing (or attempting to, whatever) it fail to realize is that I am dying a slow death. Literally. I am lost. I can’t get on Twitter or Facebook. And my emails are not coming up as speedy as I would like them to or I am missing emails entirely! I am losing my mind.

Why don’t I use the normal net you may ask? Well, here in South Africa the cost of data is ridiculous. To spend an hour or more on a normal pc on the net just costs too much. Yes, there are data packages that can give you ample data per month, but not everybody can afford that. We have a nice 500mb data plan and it suits us just fine. We have Blackberry’s you see.

Which brings me back to my point.

They. Need. To. Friggen. Fix. The. Problem.

And soon.

A Note To Colleagues…

Dear Work Colleagues

Sigh, where do I begin.

When I started here in April I was excited for the prospect of working again (I still am) and meeting other adults to talk to (maybe not so much anymore). I walked in on that first day with hopes of a wonderful working relationship and really, for a second, you had me fooled.

As time went on I noticed some kinks in the shiny “awesome working environment” armor were beginning to show. The glow of the polish was starting to fade. True colours were starting to show. I started seeing the backbiting, the gossiping, the inefficiency of staff, the lack of interest in any work related responsibilities, the superior attitudes, the bending of rules to get whatever is necessary, the cliques and so forth.

Ordinarily you would just say, why don’t you just get outta there? Well I’ll tell you why. It’s very difficult to find another job at this time of year. Also I can’t just quit because the salary helps. Also I quite like working. So my solution is basically one of just keeping to myself and if one of you are friendly enough to want to chat I shall do so.

You see, I do not need your approval of whether I am a good colleague or if I fit into your “group” to get my fucking job done. I do not need you to be holier than thou and treat me like I am some kind of intern in the beginning of a working career. Remember while you were still studying and fucking barely scraping by I was in the working world already edging my way trying to make a name for myself. I am older than you and to some degree I’m also sure your mother taught you some means of respect for that. I do not need the condescending undertones in your voice like everything is a joke to you. Some people have real problems in life rather than “I don’t have tickets for the big game this weekend, what AM I going to do! Boo hoo”.

Also, dear colleagues, maybe if there is something you have on that pea brain of yours that can assemble some thought, how about you speak to the person (whether it be me or anyone else) directly instead of looking at that poor person strangely or making “in the air comments” right by them. Its rude and you certainly have no spine if that is the way you intend getting your point across.

And finally, I am of the opinion that although some of you may think that the work place will crumble should you leave, I have news for you. IT WONT. Unfortunately, and I know this must be devastating to your ego, the work place will run just as normal without you. Yup, you heard me. It’ll carry on. I know this might come as quite a shock to you, but I reckon someone had to tell you. You’ll get over it.

Sincerely, Yasmin

Is It Me? Or Is Today Just Crappy?

You know what urks me? (Yes, I said urks and I clearly am also not sure of the spelling.) When you are a good citizen and tax payer and you get treated like rubbish.

Honestly.

My morning was not a good one. Somewhere along the scale of “can we just give today a skip please?”

 The power went out at 04h30 this morning. I was not amused. I like electricity. I really do. I cannot live without it. I’m not designed too. Luckily we have a gas canister outside attached to a small two plate stove. Because I swear if I did not receive my morning coffee I would have lost it right there. I. Must. Always. Have. A. Morning. Coffee. Period.

 So trying to get ready for work was horrible and we had minimal torches. Then of course the kids woke up. Waaay too early. And this hampered getting ready. So we were running late. I hate being late. You think I would be used to this as trying to go anywhere these days and get there on time is a mission in itself. But no, I can’t let go. I hate being late.

 I got to work later than normal and wanting to phone the municipality to try and get an idea of when the power was coming back on. Also, obviously, to fight with them about service delivery and what the hell do I pay taxes for? And if this was a scheduled outage how the hell don’t they send out notifications of such and don’t they take into account people with small children and babies???? Only 5 minutes after getting to work my nanny texts me to say the power is back on. I’m deflated and I was amped for a fight.

 I wanted a fight actually. Fighting would have eased the pressure in my brain that is now giving me a rather shit headache. Also to appease the mind Gods, aka Karma, Inner Peace and Chi who got up and left me to deal with Irrational, Anger and Bitch. They got up and said “screw this, today is not happening” and just left me with the other three. Needless to say I shall be in a shitty mood all day.

A Little Less Dramatics Please…

I find it very strange how the human psyche works. In fact I was going to study Clinical Psychology after school. That idea kind fell by the wayside. I don’t know why, but at the time it did. If I had the time and money I would do it now. After all, you’re never too old to learn.

Back to what is bothering me. Colleague

Yesterday at work I asked a colleague (she is an assistant) if her boss was busy as I needed to speak to him. She responds that he has someone in his office. I then ask (since I know she has access to his emails because she has done this for me before) if she can check if her boss received the email I sent last week and subsequently resent yesterday morning. I kept on getting an “out of office” reply. She then responds and says why don’t I just ask him. I say because it sounds like it is a very important conversation happening in the office and I don’t want to interrupt, and ask her politely to just check with him later if she doesn’t mind.  She says no problem.

 An hour later she comes to my office and says that her boss wants me to print said document I had sent him in the email and bring it to him. As she is turning around she says “oh, and he says don’t your ever threaten him through me again” and promptly walks away. WTF??? No, I mean What The Actual F*CK??

 Did I say something to her that completely set her off? Did I in the least threaten her or her boss? What the hell is this about threatening anyways?? I must have had some other conversation that I don’t know of, or zoned out and spewed all kinds of rubbish while under some restraint. How come I don’t remember this? 

When I went into her boss’s office with the document he didnt give any signs that he was pissed off with me. Clearly she had been having a bad day? Or year. Or century. Whatever it is/was, she was nearly two steps short of a bitch slap.

 I decided, for the benefit of everyone, that I shall show some restraint and give her the benefit of the doubt. Maybe she was having a bad day. She usually pops by and we have a chat. She has been very silent today. Very. I haven’t seen her interact with anyone really.  Unless I am being given the slip and she is talking to everyone but me. I shall give her a couple of days.

Yeah, Shoulda Seen It Coming…

Ok, I maybe should have seen this coming. To just think that it would just be tolerated was a little stupid on my part.

My girlfriends don’t invite me to girls’ nights anymore.

Frankly I don’t blame them either. There is only so many times you can hear the same answers from a person and not get annoyed and just not bother to ask anymore. I would have stopped inviting me ages ago.

Don’t get me wrong, I want to go, really! I just can’t seem to get out the damn house. I can’t leave A1 alone with the twins as I don’t think he will last that long. To essentially go out I would have to ask my mom to baby sit. This means that I can’t stay out late as I need to come and fetch them and get them into bed and, and, and!!! See how this is NOT a winning situation.

The only time I really get out and about is to actually go and do grocery shopping and the like. Sad isn’t it? Yeah, I have had many a pity party just for me.

I am thinking that I need to get out of this hole that I have dug for myself.  And fast.

I cannot begin to tell you how the lack of a social life (and I’m not talking raucous parties etc. just some nice chats with friends at a restaurant or something) is slowly leading me down a path to self-destruction. And from what I gather, that will probably not be a good thing for my household.

Argh all the thinking and anxiety over this is aggravating the migraine I woke up with this morning. I think it might be a hormonal problem. That will probably be another post altogether. It probably also means a trip to my gynea. I don’t want to go. But I probably have to.*sigh*