We Did Go On Vacation…honestly…

So towards the end of last year we decided to take a road trip to Cape Town with my brother and sister-in-law. Awesome. We were looking forward to just getting away. Believe me I needed to just get away.
And so the planning began.

We were looking for self-catering accommodation as with kids it’s kind of difficult to go to a hotel. We clearly under estimated how difficult it would be to find a place. We needed one overnight stay halfway to Cape Town and then 5 nights in Cape Town.
Tirelessly we sent off requests and just when there seemed that there was no hope, I managed to secure a place for the one night. Cape Town was looking rather difficult.
My brother then stated that he had found a lovely place and the owner had available. We were relieved. Finally, something!

Move forward to the day we depart and it is one of those blistering hot days which makes you want to hide under a rock for shade. Since my brother was leading the way, we assumed he would know the directions to our overnight stay that I had booked. He didn’t. We drove in circles. I eventually called the owner and we managed to arrive there. It was HOT. And we were all grumpy.
However, the place was lovely and we very much enjoyed our stay.

Our plan was to go past Oudtshoorn and take the kids to the crocodile park and then head off to Cape Town. We heard that the temperature was a “wonderful” 38 degrees celcius there. Needless to say we headed straight for our main destination. It would have just been cruel to subject the kids (and us) to that kind of heat.
We eventually arrived in Cape Town and were looking forward to just relaxing at our accommodation. What the owner did not tell us is that her nice venue was booked and she was taking us somewhere else! This “somewhere else” turned out to be a last minute favour to a friend who would rent us his student digs for our stay in Cape Town. Some service delivery right there folks! Seriously? We walked into this accommodation and…

and if we were eating it would have been….

Needless to say that after one night there that was it. No ways would we spend another second there. After much negotiation we ended up at my aunt’s place. Crowded, but manageable.

We took the kids to Canal Walk and out to Kirstenbosch Gardens. I will post pics, soon.
It was a short but ultimately good stay. Hopefully should we do this kinda trip again, lesson is to book waaaay early!

With The Best Of Intentions

You know, I actually had two posts that I wanted to post as part of my “I’m going to at least blog once a week” thing. Turns out, I didn’t finish either post. But even though it might not seem relevant down the line, I will get to posting it.

We sometimes do and say things with the best of intentions and yet sometimes it doesn’t work out. I hate it. I really do. As much as what I am guilty of it, I hate it. Its that spiraling out of control feeling that I hate too. Not my thing.

Currently I am as sick as a dog. Seriously, I’m sick. I somehow have caught the worst cold/flu that I have caught in years. And how am I dealing with it? A little bit of self medicating, not so much sleep with a dose of still going in to work on the side. Yeah, that is the perfect recipe for getting better. Strange how that “best of intentions” thing comes back to haunt you. You want to get the work done knowing if you don’t do it, no one will. And of course you’ll just end up in the crap again. And yet? You’re coughing so hard you end up puking. Yup folks, that’s exactly how it went down. At least I made it to the bathroom just in time.

This whole post pretty much sounds like one giant pity party, so I am going to add some great news right here: At least the kids aren’t sick! (This is where you knock on wood for me ok?)

Of Lawnmowers and Management….

I know, I know, it is not Friday. But hey, I have the laptop and some net time and the kids are asleep. A1 is gaming so why not take a little time and type. I mean it is rare that I get the quiet time to do so.

It is currently 20h30 in the evening. It is dark. Our new neighbour, believe it or not, is mowing the lawn. Did I mention it is dark??? I’m like….

WTF????

Anyway, it is one of those hot nights where it is just too much effort to do anything. Inside the house is hot, and the kids sleep rather restless. And when they sleep restless, it means a trip from their beds in the middle of the night (when I’m too far down the road in dreamland to even wake up and take them back) to ours. Sneaky little things they are.
Coz although you might think it’s cute on a hot night, it is more along the lines of…

WHYYY???

On the work side of life I am currently busy with recruiting for a high level Executive post. It involves everybody. And I mean like EVERYBODY. Annoying really. Anyway, these self absorbed panel members are needing files made. Of all the applicants. There were 20. I need to make 15 files. Not cool. Apparently when you are in a Senior position you also apparently dont know how to work electronics, and have to have everything printed out for you. Lets hope I never make it to Senior Management anytime soon. I have mentioned so many times how much easier it would be if these things can be viewed electronically. But does anyone listen? Nooo…

Why huh? Why?

Thank goodness it is almost middle of the week. That much closer to Friday (I’m trying to be positive here ok? Don’t mess with my mojo ;P ). Although weekends are nothing short of spectacular (read: I dont really do much of anything on a weekend), I try to not think of the dreaded week ahead. Difficult when sometimes that is all that is on my mind. I need to bloody read a book or something. Or maybe learn to bake properly? Nah, scratch that, reading is more doable.

Oooook then…

PS: thanks 9GAG and MEMEfaces! You make me a happy bunny. 🙂

A Little Bit Of Randomness…

I can’t seem to focus on one thing lately. It’s like so many things to think of and get done, that I’m just too tired to care. Make sense? Yeah, me neither.

My brain has become totally stagnant of late. I probably have a bunch of things that would sound perfectly blog worthy, but nothing that springs to mind in terms of a full blog post. Random little bits of shit that goes on in my head that couldn’t fill one blog post. So you know what? I’m putting all of it into one blog post. At least it is out of my head and I can clear some space for some kind of epiphany to hit. Scratch that. Any bit of space right now is probably more than welcome.

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I wish I really didn’t have to come to this hell hole I am currently working in. Granted I suppose every place has its issues. But issues regarding competency of staff and not enough staff to deal with the work load is bordering on ridiculous. It is also now the wrong time of year to start looking for a new job as people want to hold onto theirs to receive that all important 13^th cheque so that they can survive the dry mid December to January month up until January pay day. This won’t happen for me as I am still on contract and clearly we don’t count. The post has been advertised and shortlisting has begun. We now wait and see. I’m not being positive on this one.

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It’s gradually becoming hotter. And I am gradually becoming more agitated. This being over and above my normal agitated, anxiety stricken, angered state.

It is a well-known fact (one that I think I have bitched often about) that Summer and myself are born enemies. The heat is just too much and once we really get that Summer heat coming our way, I don’t foresee it being a pleasant experience.

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My son is of the fact that he has superior knowledge to anyone else. For a 3 yo who will be four in November, he speaks like a 6/7 year old. He sometimes even sits with his foot crossed on his knee. It’s like he is this tiny old man. It’s borderline freakish sometimes.

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Remember that moment when I said that my daughter doesn’t speak much? I should have shut the hell up then and have been f*&^en thankful for it. She is now loud and obnoxious to a point where I feel the last threads of my humanity slipping away and turning me into the “Mommy Beast”. Maybe it’s not all that bad though. I reckon she just picks her moments of conversation (read: loudness) at the time when mommy is at her mental weakest. I swear she is psychic.

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I have this notion that I might have some slight depression going on. Or maybe I just have bouts of irrationality. Is the first step admitting it? Or is it just something that happens to gradually build up to a point where you think, I just can’t do this anymore. I’m looking into the solutions…

I Just Dont Know…

Wow. It has seriously been a long time since I have blogged anything. It’s sad actually, but somehow it seems like things have just conspired to keep me away from here. I am not amused. I miss having a good ‘ol vent session or just to blog about the arb things happening. I remember fondly of a time when I could blog almost every day or second day. Aaah, those wonderful times. I miss it. And let me just point out that it is not for a lack of anything to say that I haven’t been on here. There probably is a lot to say. It is most probably the part where I actually sit and type it all out that seems to be the snag in the situation.

It is far from arb. The things that have been happening currently. I am seriously at a complete loss and I currently feel like I am spiraling out of control into an unavoidable black hole. Descriptive enough for you? Yeah, thought so.

The world (and life in general) is trying to swallow me whole. I haven’t been this low in ages. Granted it could just be a complete hormonal imbalance (read: breakdown) and it could just end after a month or so, like it has before. The problem is what if it doesn’t?

I have been feeling a bit disorientated (my word for a little bit depressed) for a while now. I just can’t explain it really. I don’t and wouldn’t know where to even start. This past week and a half however I have just been angry. A lot. At everything, everyone and just in general angry. Ask me why? Go ahead, seriously, ask me! Truth is, I don’t know. Maybe I just have some serious underlying issues I don’t know about or it’s a serious case of hormonal imbalance that I need to have medically checked. I also have had the same damn headache on and off (more on) for the better part of 6 days now. I’ve even gone to taking herbal stress/anxiety pills just to take the edge off.

The long and short of it is that I don’t think I am ok. But what other state can I afford to be in right now? I think it affects the relationships I have.

You know, I sometimes lie to my kids to just get away from them or to just shut them up? You know, those little white lies:

Son: “Mommy, where are you going?”

Me: “Just giving the dog some water” (aka, I need a smoke)

Son: “What’s this? Mommy, mommy, mommy, mommy…….”

(Insert mental break here)

Me: “I don’t know. (I do but it is too complicated to explain and I am too exhausted) Please don’t ask again, mommy is just going to the bathroom” (I know I am fully not intending to go)

There are many of these little things that happen that will obviously ensure that I NEVER win the mother of the year award. But I really can’t be the only one right?

I can’t be the only one that would really just like to crawl into a quiet dark place and just sleep the days away. And before you think I am exaggerating, I could literally spend all day in bed if given a chance. I don’t feel like moving or doing anything really. It’s just too much effort.

I am however surprised that I have pulled myself together long enough to type this. Do I get a medal?

I hope I get to be here more often.

The Brakes Have Been Put On….

Ok, FINE!! I lied. Happy now? Yeah, I told a fib.

In my defense I really really did think that the nightmare was over. I mean really. Who could have predicted what is currently happening now?

Ok, let me try again, just in case I have totally confused you and have made you wonder if I have completely gone off the rails (ps: I’m not far off), you might want to read this post first. It might bring some clarity about what I am going to bitch about now.

Remember when I was so happy that Maternity Girl came back and that my workload would return to normal? Remember how enthusiastic I was and did I mention Happy?

Yeah, short lived.

Turns out one of my other colleagues was booked off for stress. Now I’m usually a sympathetic person and can totally understand stress. I have it myself and the others who actually do their job are under enormous stress as well. But for three months? I mean COME ON!!

We all are under stress and I understand that some people handle it differently to others.  I can go through the headaches followed by the cleaning of blood out my nose caused by stress, which clearly I am not going to bore you with now, and yet I am still at work. The thought of having myself booked off for stress hasn’t even crossed my mind. Why? Because I know that there is a job to be done. I know that should that work not be done there are implications. Don’t get me wrong, should I be genuinely sick I will do the necessary, but stress can be sorted by taking a few days leave and maybe making an appointment with a psychologist should there be underlying issues. Being booked off by a GP for a period of longer than 5 is also illegal. A specialist can only book you off for longer.

After that rant let me just clarify that since Mr Stress has been booked off I have been covering his space. And OMG is the space a mess. I mean not little issues, I mean WTF issues! Issues dating back to last year. Issues that I now need to sort out. It is overwhelming and depressing at the same time.

With trying to sort out the messes and trying to do the new work coming in, I genuinely don’t think I am going to see the light of day any time soon. It has prompted me to think what on earth this guy was doing while he was here. Work? I don’t think so!!

I have managed to calm down his severely angry clients and have tamed them enough to be meek and mild as a lamb. Meaning I had to graft and make sure everything was perfect. It is exhausting. I barely feel human by the time I get home. It is affecting my interaction with the kids too. I am just too damn tired to full on play and enjoy them. I feel bad.

And yet, I pick myself up and go to work each morning. I don’t book myself off for fatigue, or stress or the like.

Am I being mean? Probably. But that is the zone I am in right now. Am I stressed? Definitely. Do I sometimes resent the fact that I have a conscience? Yes. Some people just get away with more than what is normal. Am I saying that there are no consequences to his actions? No.

We will just have to wait it out and see.

That Bulge Story Again…

I was rushing down the passage at work on my way to another colleague’s office when for some reason I looked down. I stopped dead in my tracks. 

Since when did the skirt I was wearing sit above my ankles and not ON my ankles?? WTF??

That f*cking bulge of a stomach that used to be flat until the kids stretched it beyond proportion with their big ass bodies was causing trouble!

So instead of the skirt sitting on my hips it is sitting at an unflattering angle on my waist causing the bulge to look like I am pregnant (oh hell no!) again. And the length makes me look like I am dressed like someone 30 years older than the 30 years I am currently.

So. Not. Amused!

To illustrate my point:

 

That Time Of Year Already?

As Christmas approaches and everyone gears up for the holidays, I take time to reflect on how bloody fast this year has gone.

I look at the progression of life as we gear towards a New Year and can only wonder if it will go a little less hectic and a lot more smoothly.

My kids:

The one thing that I do know is that they are really growing up to be little adults.

A has a vocab range of a 5 year old and sometimes I think he has a really old soul. He has full blown conversations with you that will blow your mind. It is really like you are talking to a child who has gone to school already. It is at times also rather freaky. We have taken extra care not to talk about certain things as he has the ability to retain info more than the average three year old. The only thing that brings me out of this line of thinking every now and then is that he has the ability (read: annoying ability) to whine and just sometimes be a complete 1 year old. Although I have just put it down to (for my own sanity actually) him being just over tired sometimes.

N is truly improving in her speech and now babbles non stop. It is a mixture of words and baby lingo at some ear bleeding high pitch. She is rarely quiet these days and has the ability (read: mind numbing) to throw tantrums to the likes which you have never seen. She is “fashion conscious” to a degree. For example: she will not wear long pj pants with a short pj top. It is either short or long. Done deal. Also if she doesn’t like the shoes you put on with her outfit it is outright war. Same goes for if she doesn’t want to put on a particular item of clothing.

Potty training is proving to be a challenge. Although A will put on underwear and maybe get it right every now and then the majority of the time he wets himself. Granted he is responsive to the potty idea and underwear. N on the other hand point blank refuses to go near a potty. Point blank refuses to put on underwear. It gets to a point that she throws a complete meltdown even when A has on underwear.

Side note: Which brings me back to her “fashion conscious” issue. She sometimes throws a fit when she doesn’t approve of what her brother is wearing. I have been trying to instill in her that A can wear whatever (read: whatever I put on for him) he wants. It has nothing to do with her. The battle continues with this however. I am convinced (read: my paranoid side) that my daughter has an OCD issue? I am not sure how you tell this with 3 year olds but I reckon I should investigate it maybe.

The battle rages on in an effort to get the twins out of nappies. It is proving to be a little harder than I imagined. I reckon A will progress well into the potty mode. He is receptive and sometimes asks for underpants. N is treating it like it is the portal to hell. Will not even look in its direction and if you show her panties she freaks like nothing you have ever seen. Will have to figure out how to work this out. Nappies are just bloody expensive damnit!

Work:

I was so excited to finally get back in to the working world after taking the time away (read: couldn’t find a suitable helper) to be with my kids. I have enjoyed that period of time and will always be thankful for it. I am not however that type of person. I need to work. It is engrained in me and when they were old enough (and we found someone suitable) I went back into the job market again.

What I failed (or maybe forgot) to realize at the time is the amount of absolute bullshit that goes on in the working world. Naturally since I am so “lucky” these days, I happened to find a job in the most F*cked up place in the whole entire world. Ok, so maybe I am exaggerating, but seriously, the stuff that goes on here and the processes just kill me. I will be scouting around next year for possible other job opportunities.

Life:

It seems that 2011 has been the “let every damn appliance and vehicle f*ck out and leave you with nothing” type of year. It is ridiculous!

We have to date:

Replaced the TV

Replaced the Fridge

Replace the bottom element of the oven

Replaced the microwave

Sent the car in to fixed like a bajillion times (of which the latest happened only yesterday!)

Washing machine was doing some stupid crap but it seems to be ok now (just F off Murphy!)

A1’s laptop had to go in for repairs

Financially it TOTALLY sucks. I am not even sure what else to say on this topic because it just sucks.

And so…

Here I sit and patiently waiting until the 21^st December to go on leave for the Christmas holidays. I am exhausted and cannot wait. It has been a long tiring, trying and all around ok year.

I will probably post maybe over my break, but just in case I get lost in life again, here’s wishing all of you and your families a blessed festive season and a wonderful new year!

 

When On Earth Did She Get There??

This morning before the ass crack of dawn (03h37 to be precise), I felt a kicking in my lower back. Followed by a pulling of my hair. I was half asleep and completely out of it as usual. I’m mostly “out of it” these days, but that’s a WHOLE other story.

Anyways, I “swat” at whatever it is thinking it might be A1 or something to that effect. Except I hear a very light moan. I groggily turn around and to my surprise N is in the bed. WTF??

I politely kiss her head and pick her up and put her back in her bed. I sleepily retreat back to my own bed and hope that I can fall asleep again in order to just get a little more time before the 04h30 alarm for work starts to blare. I close my eyes.

Only to be awakened by the blaring sound of my alarm at what seems like 2 minutes later. WTF?? How did time speed up all of a sudden. And also to my non amusement I have N staring at me in the face again. Double WTF?? How is she so quiet in terms of sneaking into the bed? I reckon A1 and I are probably so damn tired we don’t even hear her climbing into our bed. Maybe she had a nightmare. She didn’t wake up screaming and crying at all.

And to boot just before leaving for work the power in pretty much all of where I live goes out.

Why does this feel like remnants of a Monday??

Should I Be Concerned?

My children are hooligans. Really they are.

They are destructive. Of which I am sure I have mentioned this before.

 

Now A, as of late, seems to think or live (I dunno) the fact that he is an army man. He takes any little object (a guitar, blocks that are made in the shape of a gun, or any other random toy) and prances around like he is walking through the jungles of Niquaragua. I mean really. He is stalking something to shoot. He also has fake battles. Amusing and concerning to watch really.

Yesterday was one of those times that were concerning however. He was in the throws of playing when L asked him to bring her his takkies (sneakers). He was in the middle of his game, picked them up and threw them at her. One rogue takkie landed square on her nose. To which she, being an easy bleeder, got a nose bleed. A nose bleed which carried on and off for about 2 hours. She maintains it was an accident as he was playing. But I feel like dirt that my kid is so rough and nonchalant about just doing things like this. I feel bad. She says its ok. I think its not. Both A1 and I reprimanded him last night. He didn’t seem to grasp what we were on about. Maybe he had forgotten about it since it happened in the afternoon. I actually am at a loss here.

I have taken the liberty to show you (in a drawing) what we see and what he thinks he is in his mind.

 

Most of the time he can be like this….

All of the time (probably) in his mind he is like this….