Before you continue reading, please note, this post contains swear words (more than normal?). Because sometimes it just seems the most appropriate way to express something. And I swear, so you’re just going to have to deal. Ok? Ok. 😉
2015, I could throat punch you. Seriously though, what the hell? You were supposed to be a year of growth and bigger and better things? You have not lived up to what I expected. I do suppose it takes two to tango and its partially my fault. But, I would like to say, if I may, I ginormous Fuck You too. And that’s me being nice.
Ok, so its October.
Ok, so I let 9 months pass by without so much as a blog post.
Ok, so maybe it didn’t bother me that much?
I thought about it. Honest. But really? I just felt that I had nothing monumental to say? Or would it matter whether I said anything at all?
And as a matter of interest, how the fuck did it get to October anyway? Where on earth did all the other months fly too? It has been somewhat of a blur I have to admit. Or maybe my brain has just decided to have an extraordinary case of the “fuckits” from the bliss of having come out of my “dark fog” as I now refer to it.
You see, I figured I was doing ok. I figured I could wean myself off the meds when I was ready (as instructed by my specialist) because I was doing ok. I misinterpreted this extraordinary case of the “fuckits”. As of my last checkup at the end of September, it seems I might have been a tad hasty. I was being surrounded by that “dark fog” again. And I realized that I might have been a bit too hasty in getting myself off. I didn’t give it enough time. I didn’t give myself enough time. I wanted to be whole so quickly that I didn’t take the time to focus properly on doing that. I am now back on my medication and taking it one day at a time. And I will take as long as I need to get this done properly. No short cuts this time around.
June school holidays kicked my ass. My daughter stayed in hospital for over 6 days with an infection. Six whole days ladies and gentlemen! I damn near lost my shit. But thankfully it turned out ok in the end. Before I had a complete fucking mental break. She is fine and bubbly as ever.
I started being a bit more social again (its how I have always been, and somehow over 10 years of kids and marriage I had lost it). I rediscovered good old friends and am glad to have them still with me after all this time. I had lost touch and they were kind enough to not give up on me. Good friends indeed.
Besides the ups and downs so far this year, I’m looking ahead. Trying to be positive. Trying. Because at the moment that is all I am capable of doing. I am not making any promises I can’t keep, not taking on more than I can handle. Just trying. And trying is better than nothing.