Its 2015…

And herewith is a breakdown of my 2014.

1) I discovered I was not just crazy
A monumental change in my life occurred in early 2014. I was diagnosed with a depressive disorder along with other minor issues. I was given validation that I wasnt just crazy and that thoughts and feelings and eventual body stress related illness was not just in my head. After being in denial so long (because me? depressed? NEEEVER), it was finally out there, and now I am on the road to recovery and a better outlook on life in general. I realised I have a husband and two kids. The dark cloud I was living under had finally given way to the light. It felt great to see clearly again.
Yes, some days are still hard, but I am managing better than I would have had I not been on medication. Its a slow progress, but one which is noticeable.

2) I got out of the hell hole
I think you all know that one of the catalysts which led to my eventual seeking of help was my job. In May 2014 I was successful in getting and starting another job in a new place. I am loving it. I now get to be closer to my kids and home and get to take them to school each morning. Its fantastic.

3) My kids are growing up
In 2014 my twins started Kindergarten (or Grade R as we call it here). In a matter of a month I noticed a complete change in them. My daughter started talking more (a lot more!) and my son also opened up a little more. They are growing so fast. Grade R was a huge success. In 2015 they move to Grade 1 (and yes, I shall cry once I see them in that uniform for the first time! Im not even ashamed to admit it). They will be in separate classes this year. I don’t mind. Its time they started to function individually as well. Its going to be an interesting year.

4) I almost didn’t become an aunt
My niece had a rough start to her life in 2014. At birth both her lungs collapsed (that’s a whole other story which I wont get into, but know that sometimes doctors are arseholes). Thank God for her pediatrician (who incidentally is also the twins pediatrician). He saved her life. You would never say that she went through that trauma 6 months on. I adore her. (I also claim she is my third child! lol)

5) I realised how fragile life really is
I will never forget the look in my cousin’s eyes at the loss of his son. Never.

6) I discovered vaping
And as a result I am cigarette free for 6 months already. Yay, me! I find I rather enjoy vaping. Such an awesome community of people too. Big thumbs up there.

7) Kids can get sick quickly
I have mentioned before about how germs picked up at school will still cause me to go completely insane and become mom to plastic bubble children. My daughter (as strangely the same in 2013), landed up in hospital for 4 days with a bacterial infection. It was a long four days. My child was sick. The sickest I’ve seen yet. Its heartbreaking. Its upsetting.
I’m trying not to be an over controlling germaphobe.

8) My house
I have been on a mission. I want to paint, and do shelving and declutter! Its slow, but it is actually going better than I thought it would. Granted, I started in the later part of 2014 with this mission, but I am carrying on with this into the New Year. I am trying to chronical some of that on my other blog. We’ll see how that goes.

2014 proved to be a challenging and yet successful year. It went quicker than I thought it would. I dont make resolutions for the New Year because I believe that if you want to do something you can start at any time you want to. The key is just to start. I wish you all a very prosperous New Year and may your dreams come true.
You can do it!!

My little gymnasts

At the beginning of the year, one of the extra activities the kids could partake in was Monkeynastics. Awesome little venture where kids learn hand and eye coordination, balance and more. I was a little hesitant at first, but today’s showcase proved how well my babies could cope.

They balanced and climbed and jumped to (almost) perfection. So proud of them. I was most hesitant with A in the beginning since he is rather skinny. Sometimes I forget skinny doesn’t necessarily mean fragile. He did really well.

They received little medals and still had time to pose with the Monkeynastics mascots. It didn’t freak them out either. ;)


A and N pretty pretty proud of themselves

Don’t ask me what those looks are. A is going with a “blue steel” and N has her “know it all” look going for her.

They grow up so fast…..

Time flying by, but Im not all that lost…

I somehow have no idea how it got to November already. The year of 2014 is coming to an end and all my brain can think of is: “didn’t we just go into January 2014?”. Luckily for me, its not alot of “fog brain” compared to last year.
This is not going to be a “summing up of the year” kind of post. That comes way later. But I really just wanted to highlight that it really has flown by.

And along with it being November comes the most important month of the year. Well, to the twins at least. They will be turning 6 this month. Obviously the chatter in the house has been what they want for their birthday. Non stop. We’ve taken note of the occasional ramblings. ;)
And yes, I said 6. That’s a whole hand and one finger old. That is closer to 10. As you can tell, to grasp the concept is a little hard for me. It is again like the year, time has just flown by. My “little babies” are going to Grade 1 next year and that is just great. I will deal with that “mommy emotional issues” when I get there ;) (I first gotta make it through the Christmas season in one piece)

I have also recently had some kind of epiphany to “re-do” the house. You know, paint, scrape and more paint, rearrange, de-clutter and the possibility of building on a new playroom/work room for the kids. Yes, I know, it seems daunting. But I am determined to make this happen. One way or another. There is so much to do, but each task will be taken one step at a time. Currently we are busy repainting the outside of the house.

I will be chronicling those trials and tribulations on my latest blog: A Little More Fluff I named it this purely because it is not based on the goings on of family and work etc. Its more décor, diy, vaping etc based. Its up and running currently so please pop on by and have a look. I also have another blog focused more on beauty, fashion, nails etc. etc. I Blog Beauty n Stuff has been up for a while. So if you haven’t gone round, it would be great if you could let me know your thoughts. And obviously I shall still be blogging on here, so don’t think this blog is going anywhere!

As always, thanks for stopping by lovelies

The Supposed Birthday Post…

This was meant to happen on Friday. But clearly, I didn’t get to it.
Ok, so yes, another year older and a year…wait, wiser wouldn’t be the word. Healthier? That I am less likely to kill someone? Whereby I feel more in control of my life than I have in the last two? Where stress is not THE major catalyst that will end me(its still there, its just not the thing that’s going to prematurely bring about my demise)? I don’t know.

On Friday 29 August I became another year older. I should imagine this would be, as most birthdays should be, time to party. You know what? It didn’t phase me. I could have cared less that I was indeed another year older. Thankful for another year on earth, but that was about it. Usually, I am rather upbeat about my birthday. Usually. This year was kind of like just any other day. Normal. Absolutely normal. I just didn’t “feel” it.
I had so much love from friends’ wishes that it was wonderful and heartwarming and again I was thankful. But, I just didn’t “feel” it. You know?

Is that what happens when you grow up? (I never really wanted to do that growing up part). Or is it that a birthday (mine) just does not hold any weight with me anymore. Would that be considered weird? When I reread that part, it really did make me sound like I fell off the crazy bus. Granted, I have been on the bus more than what was considered normal, but this time, I was nowhere near. I just wasn’t into it. And it was just a pretty normal day.
Its just that I had life to do. You know, working, being mom, life. Whether that sounds like an excuse is not relevant. ;)

To all those who took the time to send a message or to call me, you’re awesome. You’re all absolutely awesome. Xoxoxo

Here is a question:
Have your own birthdays become less relevant to you as you got older? Yes or no, I would love to hear your answer. Let me know in the comments below. :)

Mommy? Why do you have scribbles?…

This was the question posed to me by my 5 (soon to be six) year old daughter upon silently gate crashing my bedroom (again) and finding me in just a tracksuit pants and bra. I was about to put on the t shirt. I’ve got to learn to lock the damn door. Also, kids can be very quiet when necessary.


Obviously, to make me feel better after probably seeing the abject shock and horror on my face, she decided to clarify. By pointing. And saying “there, on your tummy, why do you have scribbles?”

Kids are so observant. Don’t for a second think you can fool them.

Like when you’re trying to sneak in a bite of chocolate you’ve been stashing for a while. You know when you went to the hiding place it was quiet and it would be no trouble. Just when you take that bite.. “Mommy, what you eating?”. How the hell do they know?? The quiet should have been my clue. Don’t trust anything if its too quiet.
And yes, I stash treats for myself. I know for dead certain I am not the only parent that does this. Ok? Ok.

Anyway, so back to the matter at hand; the “scribbles” on my tummy. I, firstly, put on my tshirt, then sat her down on the bed and explained while they were in mommy’s tummy, her and her brother grew. As they grew mommy’s tummy stretched. Sometimes when skin stretches and then tries to go back to normal it leaves the marks. “We call it stretch marks” I finished. I was rather proud of myself at the wonderful explanation and fantastic bit of parenting I had accomplished. I deserved a treat for that. She was quiet.
Still feeling the gloating feeling of success my daughter laughed and said “silly scribbles” and proceeded to call her brother to tell him the story. Again, I should have noticed the quiet before getting all “you just won the parent to child info lottery”.

Kids – in the lead
Mommy – trying to get out of the hole

A Little Less Fluff

How do you deal…

With the loss of a child? A loss I would not ever in the deepest darkest pit of hatred wish on any person.

Recently my cousin and his wife went through this loss. Their son was 6 months old. I never, ever want to have to watch and bare witness to such grief ever. This happened at the beginning of August. I have only now gotten to the point of writing about it. The utter stripping of someone’s emotions in that way was more than I could take. And if that is the way I feel by it being someone else’s child, I think if I was in their shoes, it would break me. Completely and utterly break me.

When I spoke to my cousin that night I was speaking to a man who looked to be defeated by life. He just sat outside, in the dark, all alone. His wife had been sedated and was in a restless sleep in the bedroom.
What I saw in those eyes I couldn’t begin to explain. They say the eyes are the window to the soul and, think what you want, I could see a broken person on the inside. And yet outwardly he projected the role of a strong devastated husband and father with the standard “God knows best” and “in time we will heal”. No! I wanted to hit him right there. Instead, I opted for bare honesty.
I looked him square in the eye and I said you don’t have to do this anymore. You don’t have to be the strong devastated father and husband. What you are right now, is a inconsolable, grieving parent. And if you continue on this path of being sanctimonious about it, then youre going to make this harder than it already is. And if you need help then dont think anyone will judge you if you do. Its none of their business anyway.
My fragile calm was slipping. I hugged him tightly and went home to my husband and two children, crying in the car on the way home.

Chatting to my mom later the evening, she indicated to me that my cousin finally broke down. Finally. I couldn’t tell you if it was my words or just the fact that the day had finally caught up to him, but silently I prayed a thank you. I sent a msg to his wife later that evening and the thank you I received was more than enough.

Grief is handled differently by different people. However if there is even the slightest way of helping someone, even if it is a short moment during a hug, then do it. It could also just be me, but I find the usual cliché sayings at funerals to just be so grating. “It’s God’s plan”, “He/she was too good for this world”, “I can only just imagine how you must feel”.
Regarding that last statement in particular: Unless you have gone through that situation or something really really similar before this, then NO, you cannot imagine how that person feels! Not in a millions years will you ever be able to imagine how that person feels at that moment. Rather, perhaps, go with “Im not going to pretend to know how you feel, but just know I am here if you need me”. It’s not forceful and it’s not condescending. But hey, as I said, it could just be me. And no, Im not being a complete sanctimonious asshole either. I can kind of see how the above might look that way. We are tested. Daily. How you deal and who you rely on during those tests is entirely up to you.

Sometimes we go through life doing our everyday business and not stopping and smelling the roses as it were. Time could be on our side or maybe it won’t be. Good thing we don’t know. All the more reason to try and do right the first time around. And as a spanner in the works, its also never too late.

Much love
A Little Less Fluff