When The Realisation Hits…

I often think to myself that I shouldn’t become overly involved in things that are out of my control. And yet every single time, like clockwork, that’s what happens.

Why I continuously allow myself to get sucked into lies and empty promises I will never know. Actually, maybe I am just too tired of trying to speak up when no one listens.

Case in point as of late. One of my colleagues here at work has gone on maternity leave. Good for her. Sucky for me. First you must remember that I work at a University. Second there are very large faculty’s. Third, I work in the Human Resources Dept which is responsible for things like recruitment of staff, retirements, resignations etc. you get the picture.

Right. Anyways, she has gone on maternity leave and I have taken over her role until she comes back. She has two major faculties (science and health science) and other smaller areas. Now before she went I was only handling one faculty. That of Education. This was also me filling for another consultant who resigned.

Then came a whole “restructuring” and the consultants (of which I am not officially one and am still on contract) kept their current load but were taking on the add ons from the consultant who resigned. It was said to me that I would handle maternity girls’ job and Education would go to another consultant. Everyone agreed. And the consultants took on their newly acquired units, or departments or faculties.

Still with me? Good.

Fast forward to now, where I am holding down the fort with maternity girl’s work and of course lo and behold, the person who has taken over the Education Faculty, hasn’t stepped up to the plate.

No one, and I MEAN NO ONE (the boss) gives a damn. I have spoken to boss man at least 5 times now stating that if I carry on with that extra faculty, work is not going to be completed by shutdown! Does anyone listen? No.  I am now drowning.

But you know what? I woke up this morning and it dawned on me: Why am I the only one stressing? Why am I the one totally wracking my brain to utter exhaustion trying to sort out EVERYTHING? Why? I now actually DO NOT care. I am taking it one day at a time and what gets done, gets done and to the best of my ability. And what doesn’t, is not my problem. I have stated my concerns (to which I have witnesses) and nothing has been done.

My conscience is clear folks. And I shall be able to breathe for a bit.

 

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Maaaybe I Should Just Have My Head Read…

My brain must clearly be fragile.

It obviously needs a reboot or something because I can literally not be this crazy all the time. I could put it down to being tired. Or just that I have too much on my mind at the moment. Or that maybe, I just need to stop and breathe for a bit and take a moment for myself.

That way maybe I can focus enough to at least not do some of the following:

1)      I have been convinced since last night that it was Friday. And when I say convinced I mean so convinced that I wore jeans today. (Usually reserved for Fridays).

2)      Me, thinking it was Friday, went to a colleague’s locked office and waited outside for 10 minutes silently cursing him for being late for a meeting. Only to be told that he is only back tomorrow. AKA Friday.

3)      I made myself coffee this morning and had half. I was busy with it and then put it down to read an email on my phone. Why I just didn’t multi task and finish my coffee, I do not know. Needless to say I left a half a cup of coffee undrunk. Sacrilege, I know.

4)      I spent the better part of fifteen minutes fighting with, once again, a mosquito in the work bathroom stall and ended up walking out the bathroom only to realize I hadn’t gone to do what I needed to do.

5)      I made 10 copies (for document packs I need to make up at work) of a very thick CV. Twice. I clearly hadn’t noticed where I put the first pile and just proceeded to make another 10 utterly convinced I hadn’t made any copies of it at all yet.

6)      In my stupid state this morning I decided to wear heels to work. I must’ve been still half asleep. To be perfectly honest, I’m not sure why I even own heels anymore.

7)      I deleted a document from my PC that I actually needed instead of the one I wanted to delete. Needless to say I had to redraw up the doc I had just deleted.

It is now just on 13h00 and I’m still at work. I don’t know how much more can go South. And I have yet to get home to the kids.

In the famous words of Jackie Chan (ok, so maybe someone else just made the pic):

 

Yeah, Shoulda Seen It Coming…

Ok, I maybe should have seen this coming. To just think that it would just be tolerated was a little stupid on my part.

My girlfriends don’t invite me to girls’ nights anymore.

Frankly I don’t blame them either. There is only so many times you can hear the same answers from a person and not get annoyed and just not bother to ask anymore. I would have stopped inviting me ages ago.

Don’t get me wrong, I want to go, really! I just can’t seem to get out the damn house. I can’t leave A1 alone with the twins as I don’t think he will last that long. To essentially go out I would have to ask my mom to baby sit. This means that I can’t stay out late as I need to come and fetch them and get them into bed and, and, and!!! See how this is NOT a winning situation.

The only time I really get out and about is to actually go and do grocery shopping and the like. Sad isn’t it? Yeah, I have had many a pity party just for me.

I am thinking that I need to get out of this hole that I have dug for myself.  And fast.

I cannot begin to tell you how the lack of a social life (and I’m not talking raucous parties etc. just some nice chats with friends at a restaurant or something) is slowly leading me down a path to self-destruction. And from what I gather, that will probably not be a good thing for my household.

Argh all the thinking and anxiety over this is aggravating the migraine I woke up with this morning. I think it might be a hormonal problem. That will probably be another post altogether. It probably also means a trip to my gynea. I don’t want to go. But I probably have to.*sigh*

Why Life Will Never Be Normal…

I must be honest, I was meant to do a blog post on Friday. I was meant to do one on Saturday too. I was meant too….

 Yeah, funny how that word gets used often in my little world. I reckon the word “normal” should just be chucked out of my vocab completely. Nothing is ever normal.

 Anyways, this is pretty much my weekend round up.

 Friday was chaos as usual upon getting home. The kids (as usual. And I probably sound like a broken record already) were fighting with each other again. I just cannot take the screaming that results from their fighting. I could very well lose my mind by the end of the year. Furthermore not much else as when they eventually fell asleep it was a relaxing evening.

 Saturday was looking better. We dropped the kids off at my folks and went out for a blissful lunch. The winter sun was gorgeous as we sat on the deck of the restaurant and ordered our meal and just chatted in the peace that was sans children. I think everyone should do this once in a while. EVERYONE!

The absolute bliss that is just sitting and relaxing and having a meal with your significant other can do wonders for the soul.

But like all things that must go wrong in my life (coz Murphy is being an utter fecker again!) we went to collect the kids and hubby went off to his usual Saturday gaming club. The kids, for lack of a better word, were possessed again! They could not keep their paws off each other and were determined to kill one another. The screaming, crying etc. carried on until just before bedtime. I had to, at one stage, just walk away. For fear I might actually harm them this time around. I. Just. Walked. Away.

I was planning on doing a blog post and catching up on my emails. I, instead, went to be early with a b*tch of a migraine from the nights’ earlier “activities”.

 Sunday, was, well, Sunday. Attempt at relaxation? None. Kids on their best behavior? None. Slowly wanting to crawl into a hole and never come out again? Check.

 I’m strongly thinking of looking for a doctor of “something” to advise me on the fighting issue between my kids. I am beginning to think that this behavior is not normal. I understand that kids will fight etc. and it is a phase. But when they are doing that more often than not then I reckon it’s time for deeper investigation. The hard core truth is that I honestly don’t think they should be fighting every day. And I mean EVERY day! There is rarely a moment when they play with each other. And if one is off playing very nicely then the other will come and destroy that game and start trouble. I might have to just separate them! But when I put them apart they look for each other. Yet they can’t stand one another!

I honestly don’t know what to do….

Fluff’s Top 5

Bugs…

  • Mosquitoes
  • Fleas
  • Spiders
  • Cockroaches
  • Generally anything with 6 or more legs

I feel I am going to do one general explanation for all of these. I can’t stand them! Inside or outside the house, I can’t stand them. I am paranoid (as I’ve mentioned – a lot) and if I am outside and even see any of the above in my vicinity, I am convinced that:

  1. It is on me.
  2. They will enter the house and violently attack me.
  3. It is on me.
  4. They will stalk me and make sure I pay for my hatred.

Irrational? No, dear friends.

Firstly, I am allergic to mozzie and flea bites. I don’t just get a tiny red itchy dot. I get a huge red itchy bump. Now picture a couple of bites here and there and presto! I look like the elephant man.

Secondly, spiders (all shapes and sizes) have the ability to get anywhere and just breed! Hundreds! Thousands! Ahem, sorry. They are nasty and where I live I have seen some that will dazzle you. Next time I see one I am so posting a pic. We have had one in the past that was the size of a dinner plate. I’m not kidding.

Crawling insects in general are creepy. I cannot handle the fact that they are so disgusting. Six legged little things and their horrible 6 or more legged cousins. Yes, I am of the opinion that they are all related somehow.

Needless to say that the one thing I cannot live without in the house is Bug Spray. Must. Always. Have. Bug. Spray.

Seriously Monday…Seriously??

Today must be one of those days!

Why you ask?

Because it seems to be a Monday that only could come the deepest darkest point in hell. Really. It sucks!

First off, I get to work this morning and I log on to my PC. No, it won’t log me on. I try again. It still won’t log me on. Some stupid thing about “profile not found” or some crap or other. My only thing was that I couldn’t log on.

No probs, I think. I dial our IT department and get through to the help desk. The automated *&^%(*& help desk. Who in no uncertain terms tells me I am 9th in the queue and will be attended to in approximately two minutes. Every minute however, the waiting period climbs. I lose my damn patience and hang up. I go get a cup of coffee. I come back. Try again. I’m 6th in the queue blah blah blah and I make it all the way to number two in the queue when the phone just goes dead. WTF??

I go for a smoke. I’m beyond seething. I get to work at 07h30 in the morning and for the last hour I have been struggling to get hold of our *&$%^$# IT dept. I come back and I’m just about to phone again when L sends me a message on my cell to phone her.

I do. What’s going on? The power is out. Practically most of the town. WTF? What are the kids gonna have for lunch etc. etc. etc. blah blah blah. (I don’t remember much of the convo as my internal self had clearly gone into cardiac arrest and not wanted to hear another word). (The power has now been off for the better part of the morning and NO ONE knows when it will be back on.)

I can’t deal with the situation accordingly as I am at work and will have to trust L to know what to do. She is capable and I have been communicating with her via cell phone. She is also pretty savvy (yes I used the word savvy) with the gas canister we have outside. Crises averted for now.

So back to the phone I go to try again (it is now about 2 and a half hours since I arrived at work). I am number 1 in the queue! Yay! I wait. Phone goes dead. *&^%$%^. My colleague who has obviously by now noticed the smoke emanating from my head then casually mentions that an email just came through to everyone saying IT’s phone lines are down!!! HOW CAN THEIR PHONE LINES BE DOWN?? I then asked her to email one of them with an asap response needed. I waited another half an hour for someone to call me. And if their phone lines were down how did the dude manage to phone me??

Anyways, close to my fourth hour of being at work, I finally was able to log on and get to work.

The power is still out at home.

And Monday’s still officially suck.

Time…You Are But A Complete Bitch

Strange how in two and a half years things can change so dramatically. It’s odd to think that it’s even possible. Last night A1 and I were looking at pics of the kids when they were just babies. Cute yes, but that is not what got us. There was a pic (rare) of us holding the kids. A1 says “Is it just me or do we look younger in that photo?” And that’s when it hit me. We were old. How was it possible to age at least 5 or more years in the space of two and a half years?  I thought about it and a couple of points came to mind:

  • Two and a half years ago I had the energy of five people. Now I can barely spare energy for one.
  • Two and a half years ago my head looked pretty decent. I now have enough grey hair to enter a retirement village.
  • Two and half years ago I could still pass for a teenager. Now I look like what the dog threw up.
  • Two and a half years ago I could still go out and have a good time, come back late and still get up and make it to work on time. I now barely go out and am really even too exhausted to think about it.
  • Two and a half years ago I had ambition to be the best in my career field. I now am just thankful to have a job.
  • Two and a half years ago I could look in the mirror and at least smile. I now look in the mirror and want to cry.
  • Two and a half years ago I managed my time well. Now if I make it to a place 15 minutes late I consider it a WIN.
  • Two and a half years ago I could easily tell you the date, time and what happened anytime anywhere. Now I’m lucky if I know what day of the week it is.
  • Two and a half years ago it was easy enough to go out to a restaurant to eat. Now if there is money left over (which is very rare) we might go out to eat. If we can muster the energy.
  • Two and a half years ago I was solid in my mental state. Now I doubt my mental state daily.

Those are probably not all, but I reckon one can probably come to the conclusion that two and a half years ago, we didn’t have kids.