The Real Story…

Lately A has been asking me to tell a story of the three bears. It’s cute.

Except I never get to the end. The story telling bit comes after their night bottle and they’re chilling (aka running around like maniacs like its the first time they have played today) before bed time. He will politely come lie down on the couch and say “story mommy” “three bears mommy”.

So, I duly start telling him the story of Goldilocks and the Three Bears. I get right around the part when Goldilocks enters the house and he loses all interest and leaves to run around with his sister. Maybe I am telling it wrong? Maybe it’s only interesting up until that point? Maybe I should alter it a little bit.

Something like this …

 Once upon a time there were three bears. They all lived in a wonderful house in the forest and were happy.

One morning they heard a knock at the door and when daddy bear went to open it (because mommy bear was still in her pj’s and wouldn’t even attempt to open the door looking like that), there stood a young girl. She introduced herself as Goldilocks and said that she was rather hungry and wondered if the bears could spare any food, a place to rest her aching legs and possibly a place to take a nap.

Daddy bear told her to hold on he would check. Daddy bear then relayed this information to mommy bear who, still in her pj’s, was trying to get some clothes on baby bear’s ass so that he would look half decent and was trying to keep an eye on the porridge.

Mommy bear huffed and stated that she can’t deal with that now and for daddy bear to sort it out.

Needless to say Goldilocks ate all the porridge, ruined the chair she was given to sit on (the one mommy bear told daddy bear to fix ages ago) and, when mommy bear eventually found out what was happening, Goldilocks slept in daddy bear’s bed as daddy bear slept on the couch.

 

The End

 

You think he would sit still through that story?

Any other stories that you think could be modified?

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A1 Has Something To Say…

Not so long ago over at Ironic Mom, Leanne had her hubby be a “guest blogger”. It was wonderful.

So I got to thinking and decided why not ask my hubby, A1,  to do a post for me. He kinda looked at me and said “well what do I write about?” I said “anything”.

Well folks this is what he had to say…

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 Shoot a gun daddy, shoot a gun!

So my wife recently asked me to do a guest blog post for her.  I was both thrilled and excited….  Ok, so it was not that recent, it was a while ago. And the asking was not really a request rather than an instruction!

So here goes. I have also asked the wife to leave it in its raw unedited text, as that’s what you are going to get as she is clearly my superior in the navigation of the English language.

I have always been a gamer as far as my memory goes back. I have always been able to play on multi platforms and don’t believe I am that bad.  PC has always been my favourite since that was where I was always best.  You might be asking at the moment what exactly my point is. Well it is simply this – every hard-core gamer hopes that someday they will have a kid who has decent co-ordination in order to game just as hard as dad and is at least remotely interested in it.

Since the kids were small, and I have been actively involved in their development and growth, therefore leaving very little time for myself and my passion for gaming… until recently.

The wife’s brother, thankfully is also an avid gamer. Every time we visit and he is gaming A is mesmerised by his gameplay, clearly he is not that bad.

Recently I got an Xbox, just like the wife’s brother, now the expectation is that since they can watch the uncle play, they want to watch daddy play. Fantastic! So when “we” game I set up with controller in hand and them with my old PlayStation controllers, all ready to go.  

In the beginning it was fantastic, the kids demanded that I play and I graciously accepted. It was a win win situation.  That quickly turned sour as A has no bearing on time. Now he demands that I “shoot a gun” at any given moment in his day, be it 5am or 5pm. He clearly doesn’t get that games need to load and clearly believes there should not be cut scenes!

 What have I done, I have created a monster.

Total Anarchy

This is totally rediculous! They have been fighting again today!
You might not be able to see it coz the light in the pic is bad, but that is a bruise next to N’s eye on the top part of the bridge of her nose. Kick to the face from A!
The two scratches are courtesy of N attacking him from behind after a nasty hair pull!

What the hell am I going to do with these kids?? I mean short of separating them into different rooms and never coming out I do not know!
Could they really just not like each other? Is it just a total parenting fail on my part? I mean they really can play nice sometimes, but their battles are getting worse! I actually am at a loss here….

Jail Time Anyone?

My kids are going to land me in jail. Seriously. They are.

I can picture it now in the headlines: “2 Year old Twins miraculously escape abusive mother”. And in the background they will laugh and giggle and hi5 each other and give each other knowing looks about how they have conned the world.

They fight! All the time. Sometimes it doesn’t even look like they will even start a fight. That’s how nicely they are playing with each other or in respective places and then boom! Like lightning they are at each other’s throats! Sometimes I don’t even know what it’s about. I just end up yelling for them to stop it before someone cries. Two minutes later someone does eventually cry in any case so I don’t know why I bother with the warning.

But why do I say I am going to land up in jail you ask? Because of the damage they cause each other. The scratches on the faces, the bruises on the legs etc. It looks like they were run through the mill. And this is no matter how many times A1 and I try to separate them from fighting. They just run back to each other and start again. If a welfare person had to arrive at my door step, I don’t think ANYONE would believe me and I’d be hauled away in chains like the despicable human being I am. Maybe I should employ better parenting skills? Hell, coz I’m failing completely in this area.

{Speaking of this I found out from L that A will most probably land me in jail first. As she was bathing him he noticed an old scratch mark on his arm (courtesy of his sister). It had healed ages ago, but in deciding to milk it he says “ouchie” as she washes him. She then asks what that is. His response? “Mommy” and then laughs. WTF? Now my kids are actually accusing me of abuse? Great, just great! Have I mentioned how I don’t like orange overalls much? It’s just not my colour!}

I cannot watch them all the time and L says the same thing. It’s like you will turn you back for literally two seconds and that’s inevitably when they take the gap.  The fighting and the resulting screaming and crying drive my sanity to breaking point! I feel like I could just lock them up in separate rooms until they calm down, while I have a nice cuppa coffee so I can calm down. Yeah, that probably would also land me in jail.

They can be such wonderful playful kids and they can play nicely together or apart, it’s just that something (or someone) always ends up being a trigger (sometimes I miss what it is or it can be a toy etc.) and then all hell breaks loose. Why can’t they just have a fight free play time?? Is that truly too much to ask?

Ok, so granted they have their moments when they don’t fight each other but will fight with me. Or do everything in their power to try and break my resolve and turn my psyche into a puddle of mush. They have nearly, on more than one occasion, succeeded in doing so. But I have found that the one thing that has saved me from literally landing up in jail is to just walk away. I actually just turn my back and walk away. I think it somehow confuses them. I do not say a word while doing so. I just turn around and walk to wherever in silence. I think it confuses them enough to just not carry on and they move on to something else. Not sure how long this will work though, but I continue to try and come up with methods that will save me.

Something New

Ok, so I thought I would try something fun. Well, I hope at least it will be fun.

I’ve decided to start a ‘FLUFF’S TOP 5…’

This will be a top 5 list of things (anything really) that pop into my head (yeah I know, not sure how original this is, or whether it’s a good idea!). This will be done once a week (Friday, coz I need at least a week to get 5 things that are worthwhile 😉 ). It will also be in no particular order. Just the Top 5 things in whatever the topic is for that week. 🙂

So, without further ado, I give you: 

…Ways To Get A Moments’ Peace!

  •  Give the kids a snack or something. A full mouth is a quiet mouth. (note: obviously this cannot be done all the time, but it it’s at least a couple of moments)
  • Keep certain toys stashed away for a period of time (like a month maybe). Then one day hall them out and watch the magic! Like brand new, it should keep them entertained for at least a bit. Enough for you to just take a breather.
  •  Make up a game which involves quiet time. Eg. (And don’t judge me on this because it works and I get a couple of minute’s peace and quiet instead of rampant, screaming kids) I play a game of “Shhh, we are looking for rabbits”. I send them down to the end of the passage and let them sit in a corner (from the passage you can see into our lounge area and makes for fun investigating or waiting for rabbits to appear. Do whatever works for you though). I tell them to sit quietly and wait for rabbits. Through the giggling it lets them chill and gives me a moment to compose myself. (I know it sounds cruel, but when you think about it, it kind of lets them expand their imaginations. Unfortunately I am not sure how long this will last, as I reckon it might be age dependent).
  • DO NOT, under any circumstances, underestimate the power of movie time!
  • Boxes. Large ones. ‘Nuff said!

 

Surprises…Who Knew?

My kids surprise me every day. Every day is new. I am astounded by the way that they cannot tolerate each other! The constant fighting (and ultimate scratches and bruising that occurs) is and can be concerning at times. But for the first time that I can actually remember clearly, something amazing happened.

Take last night. They were playing some silly (and by silly I mean it was rather cute) game. Laughter and cuteness all around. All of a sudden they start hugging. At this point my eyes were ready to pop out of my head. Could they actually like each other? It was a total change of pace from me yelling at them to stop fighting.

And then, here’s the clincher folks, N leaned over and gave A a kiss on the nose. And then again on the cheek and so the game continued. She seemed pretty damn proud of herself. I was too. A loves affection and constantly wants to have interaction with his sister. N is just not that type. She couldn’t really worry whether A was around or not. She is, to an extent, a very independent child. She does not strive to be around familiar people and to be the center of attention. If she feels the need for it, she will show it. It all really depends on her mood. And yes, my two year old daughter already has the mood thing down to a fine art!

Back to the story. So this “love fest” continued nearly all the way up to bed time. The longest I have ever seen my daughter be affectionate. I swear it was only after this was said and done that the thought occurred to me that that would have been an awesome Kodak moment. Unfortunately, as always, I am too late.

When this “event”, so to speak, will happen again I do not know. I have a feeling it might not happen again. I have to be more quick with a camera!!

Sunday Play….and Destruction

The kids were actually semi behaved and barely gave me any hassles today! I’m eternally grateful! Sunday’s need to be chilled before the hectic work week starts and for today they seemed to grasp that concept.

Ok, so maybe it’s because I gave them boxes to play with. Their nappy boxes. And yes I buy their nappies in bulk boxes coz its cheaper.

Needless to say, they seemed to enjoy the boxes as well as turning our lounge into what looks like 20 kids were there! Fun, silly and destructive. 🙂

I have no idea what game he was playing!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

N approved of this game. However she clearly missed boxman's defeat to the ground!

A decided to pose for a pic. Although I dont think he realises saying "cheese" entails having your eyes open.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

N will never be outdone. Although I think she lost interest while posing for this pic!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Need I say more?

Another angle

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Doesn't matter which angle you look at it, I still had to clean it all up!