I Dont Usually Make A List, But…

Summer is here with a bang and we have been having temperatures of 30 degrees Celsius for the better part of two weeks. It’s hot, humid, dry and miserable all combined. I think of all the things Summer has done to make me more irritable and have come up with the following:

 1)      It’s hot and sticky one moment and then also dry the next.

2)      Mosquitoes! Enough said.

3)      I don’t know what it is about evening time (not that it is cooler!) but any and every type of creepy crawly you can think of is out there! Ready to pounce on you and eat   you alive! Ok, maybe I’m exaggerating, but geez it sucks.

4)      THIS!!!

MELTING!

5)      My kids are not sleeping well. (read: we are not sleeping well)

6)      One would think that this is the perfect weather to go to the beach. It’s not. The sun is too hot and you will burn. Seriously, you will burn. Better option would be to go to a pool at about 17h00 in the afternoon into evening as you are less likely to burn to a crisp.

7)      My kids are not sleeping well (read: me and not sleeping spells disaster)

8)      No matter how many cool showers you take you will sweat worse than you were before.

9)      Your hair will permanently give off the impression that you didn’t blow dry or straighten it.

10)      No matter what you wear, your clothes will stick to you like lint on a woolen jumper.

 

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Maaaybe I Should Just Have My Head Read…

My brain must clearly be fragile.

It obviously needs a reboot or something because I can literally not be this crazy all the time. I could put it down to being tired. Or just that I have too much on my mind at the moment. Or that maybe, I just need to stop and breathe for a bit and take a moment for myself.

That way maybe I can focus enough to at least not do some of the following:

1)      I have been convinced since last night that it was Friday. And when I say convinced I mean so convinced that I wore jeans today. (Usually reserved for Fridays).

2)      Me, thinking it was Friday, went to a colleague’s locked office and waited outside for 10 minutes silently cursing him for being late for a meeting. Only to be told that he is only back tomorrow. AKA Friday.

3)      I made myself coffee this morning and had half. I was busy with it and then put it down to read an email on my phone. Why I just didn’t multi task and finish my coffee, I do not know. Needless to say I left a half a cup of coffee undrunk. Sacrilege, I know.

4)      I spent the better part of fifteen minutes fighting with, once again, a mosquito in the work bathroom stall and ended up walking out the bathroom only to realize I hadn’t gone to do what I needed to do.

5)      I made 10 copies (for document packs I need to make up at work) of a very thick CV. Twice. I clearly hadn’t noticed where I put the first pile and just proceeded to make another 10 utterly convinced I hadn’t made any copies of it at all yet.

6)      In my stupid state this morning I decided to wear heels to work. I must’ve been still half asleep. To be perfectly honest, I’m not sure why I even own heels anymore.

7)      I deleted a document from my PC that I actually needed instead of the one I wanted to delete. Needless to say I had to redraw up the doc I had just deleted.

It is now just on 13h00 and I’m still at work. I don’t know how much more can go South. And I have yet to get home to the kids.

In the famous words of Jackie Chan (ok, so maybe someone else just made the pic):

 

Seriously? Seriously!

Oh my word! I really, really, really have some serious issues. I’m thinking it might actually be slightly sad and pathetic right about now.

I think by now I have made my aversion to mosquitoes quite clear. I don’t like them; I never have and never will.

Which brings me to the situation I found myself in a few minutes ago.

I head off to the bathroom at work (because I have had waaaay to much coffee in a short space of time!) and head into the stall. The tiny window is open. Why when it is freezing outside I do not know. Anyways, I walk in, lock the door, and there on the wall above the cistern sits a big ass mosquito. I freeze. I have just heard someone else walk in so the other stall (there are only two in this particular bathroom) is occupied. I remain motionless. Staring at the big ass mosquito and wondering how the hell I was going to pull this off.

I had one of two options:

I could attempt to swat it, but Murphy is always in the wings and I will inevitably miss and then pant and grunt as I attempt to re catch and swat it in a tiny bathroom stall. This of course will give the impression to the occupier of stall number two that the occupier of stall number one (aka me) has somewhat of a stomach issue and will want to find out if I am ok. Now I don’t know about you, but I am not cool with “chatting” to people from a bathroom stall. Whether it be at work or the mall (side note: I will attempt to the best of my ability to avoid a mall bathroom. But that is a whole other post altogether), I just don’t dig it.

Option two of course would be to leave said stall and come back later when occupier of stall two has left. But this would be really strange as nothing has been happening in stall one which occupier of stall two might find strange. Wait! I could fake flush the toilet to make it look like I was done and then come back later. Yes! That could work!

I must just mention that at least 4 minutes have passed and that it was nearly past the time that an average person would go to the toilet to do a “number 1”. I also have still been maintaining eye contact with said bug of death and destruction and have not budged an inch. I also realized I have kind of been holding my breath a bit. Which made me fall slightly backwards into the door, which caused somewhat of a loud banging echo!

F*&k!

Silence from stall number two.

THANK YOU!!

I was going to go with option two. It seemed viable. But then my bladder clearly had other ideas as in between having the coffee I have just been so busy I have not gone in a while. I should’ve by this point have gone like an hour or so back already.

So I decided with option 1.

I missed.

I said over a dozen curse words under my breath.

Luckily for me the bug of death and destruction merrily flew out the tiny window. To which I obviously shut it. By this time occupier of stall two had flushed and was nearly out the door. I merrily carried on with my business and hoped I would run in to no one in the passage.

I really need to get over the mosquito issue. But in all reality we all know I never will.