Its 2015…

And herewith is a breakdown of my 2014.

1) I discovered I was not just crazy
A monumental change in my life occurred in early 2014. I was diagnosed with a depressive disorder along with other minor issues. I was given validation that I wasnt just crazy and that thoughts and feelings and eventual body stress related illness was not just in my head. After being in denial so long (because me? depressed? NEEEVER), it was finally out there, and now I am on the road to recovery and a better outlook on life in general. I realised I have a husband and two kids. The dark cloud I was living under had finally given way to the light. It felt great to see clearly again.
Yes, some days are still hard, but I am managing better than I would have had I not been on medication. Its a slow progress, but one which is noticeable.

2) I got out of the hell hole
I think you all know that one of the catalysts which led to my eventual seeking of help was my job. In May 2014 I was successful in getting and starting another job in a new place. I am loving it. I now get to be closer to my kids and home and get to take them to school each morning. Its fantastic.

3) My kids are growing up
In 2014 my twins started Kindergarten (or Grade R as we call it here). In a matter of a month I noticed a complete change in them. My daughter started talking more (a lot more!) and my son also opened up a little more. They are growing so fast. Grade R was a huge success. In 2015 they move to Grade 1 (and yes, I shall cry once I see them in that uniform for the first time! Im not even ashamed to admit it). They will be in separate classes this year. I don’t mind. Its time they started to function individually as well. Its going to be an interesting year.

4) I almost didn’t become an aunt
My niece had a rough start to her life in 2014. At birth both her lungs collapsed (that’s a whole other story which I wont get into, but know that sometimes doctors are arseholes). Thank God for her pediatrician (who incidentally is also the twins pediatrician). He saved her life. You would never say that she went through that trauma 6 months on. I adore her. (I also claim she is my third child! lol)

5) I realised how fragile life really is
I will never forget the look in my cousin’s eyes at the loss of his son. Never.

6) I discovered vaping
And as a result I am cigarette free for 6 months already. Yay, me! I find I rather enjoy vaping. Such an awesome community of people too. Big thumbs up there.

7) Kids can get sick quickly
I have mentioned before about how germs picked up at school will still cause me to go completely insane and become mom to plastic bubble children. My daughter (as strangely the same in 2013), landed up in hospital for 4 days with a bacterial infection. It was a long four days. My child was sick. The sickest I’ve seen yet. Its heartbreaking. Its upsetting.
I’m trying not to be an over controlling germaphobe.

8) My house
I have been on a mission. I want to paint, and do shelving and declutter! Its slow, but it is actually going better than I thought it would. Granted, I started in the later part of 2014 with this mission, but I am carrying on with this into the New Year. I am trying to chronical some of that on my other blog. We’ll see how that goes.

2014 proved to be a challenging and yet successful year. It went quicker than I thought it would. I dont make resolutions for the New Year because I believe that if you want to do something you can start at any time you want to. The key is just to start. I wish you all a very prosperous New Year and may your dreams come true.
You can do it!!


I Didnt Really Notice…

Exactly what the title says. I didnt. Until today.

I got to work and usually on a Tuesday and Wednesday I am out the office consulting at various areas of the University. So I get to my area of consultation for the day and head to the bathroom. Mainly since my bladder feels like it cant hold even a drop of water these days. Anyways, that’s besides the point. I go in, do my thing and upon washing my hands, I notice my top.
Usually it has a wasted belt with it. Usually I wouldn’t need it as it would sit just fine without it.

This particular bathroom has a full length mirror. I havent stood in front of one in ages. For mental reasons I wont get into right now. But what I saw was not nice. The top now just looks like a piece of fabric I draped over in a hurry on my way out this morning. My shoulder bones and the bones just underneath my neck (the name now completely escapes me!) is protruding badly. In a nutshell, I look horrible.
At what point did the stress impact me so badly? And let me tell you it is only work stress. At home is limited. At what point did it come to where I look like I have an eating problem. I know people have commented on the weight loss, but I never see such things. Until this morning.

Now let me just be frank and say that I am an eater. I eat normally and do not have any issues regarding that. Its just that currently, I eat and it does nothing. I am thinking I would need to stock up heavily on the vitamins etc. That, or look for another job (which I am currently doing). Because lets face it folks, in todays society we cant afford to just quit work and take our time looking for other work. That just does not pan out.

The pic below is one I took last week. Still did not notice. I hate posting pics of myself, but just so you have an idea, I did not look like this 4 months ago.I still had cheeks. Trust me, I am working on this.

The Ugly Me

The Ugly Me

Guess What?…

Well ladies and gentleman I am back!

Did you miss me? Really? Did you?

I have crawled back out of the hole that I was being swallowed in and have emerged somewhat dishelved, but none the less alive. I am still on the precipice but I am out none the less. It’s a good feeling. The frustration and stress involved was just, at times, too much. Not healthy either. I am not 100%, but it’s better than being at 0% really.

The last couple of months have been a total nightmare at work and I just didn’t think that I was going to make it. Well, clearly, here I am. “Maternity Leave Girl” has FINALLY graced work with her presence and the workload for me has lightened. I feel like an 18 wheeler, no a mountain,  no…wait…the titanic has been lifted off my shoulders.

I am hoping that I will get to be more active on my blog. I have so dearly missed it. And all of you.


Points To Ponder…

  1. Contrary to popular belief, I actually am still in the realm of blogging. I think I might have just faded into the background as reality is a bitch.
  2. The human body can apparently withstand mind numbing exhaustion up to a certain point. You know, that point when you dont make sense while speaking and you sound like you’ve been drugged.
  3. Three year olds think they know everything.
  4. No matter how you swing it, you cannot cure incompetence.
  5. After 30 times of asking, it is always the one time you dont ask that a kid needs to pee.
  6. There will always be that one thing on your grocery list that you will not find/get.
  7. Just because you are in a certain high level position does not give you the right to be a complete dick.
  8. With reference to point 7: Just because you obtained said position by doing fuckall still does not give you the right to be a complete dick.
  9. Just when you think you couldn’t sweat any more in the summer heat…
  10. Sleep is only sleep if there isn’t a foot in your rib or a hand slapping your face.


Potty Training SOS!!

Ok, so this is a situation that I require help with. It’s one of those situations that could not turn out too well.

We are currently in potty training mode in our household and so far it’s going ok. Well at least for A it’s going ok. He is convinced that when he is fully potty trained he will go straight to college. With his brain, I wonder. Haha! So he, essentially, is not the problem.

N however we are struggling with. She sees underwear and starts screaming like someone has cut off her toe. We eventually got her to wear the underwear, but yesterday’s information from L is concerning me.

Yesterday morning L put on underwear for N. This went ok. And when N had a funny look on her face (aka I need to pee but am not going to tell you, you have to just guess), L dashed her off to the potty. And then? Nothing. Nada. Zip. This apparently carried on all morning right up until nap time. Which she duly napped with underwear and didn’t even wet herself in her sleep. At about 12h30 the afternoon she STILL had not made a wee. Ever observant L was worried she could make herself ill by not going and duly put her on the potty (as she once again displayed that “face”). Again, nothing. L figured that N needs to wee so in order for N to just get it out she put on the nappy. N then proceeded to wee that nappy full to the point of it seeping through!! My child had been holding it in for that long!!

This is of concern to me because if she has learnt to hold a wee in, it won’t be long before she learns to hold a poo in and that could make a kid REALLY ill.

I thought she would really just get over her aversion to using the potty once she saw her brother wasn’t having a problem. I guess its gotten to a point that she simply does not want to go.

It wasn’t that long ago that she successfully made a pee and a poo in the potty and even gave herself a round of applause. She then the same day proceeded to wet herself and didnt like it one bit. She does not enjoy being dirty AT ALL. I think the aversion might have stemmed from that and we have been really patient with her up to now. But this needs to be done and I am now at a loss.

So my question to moms out there is this:

Have you gone through a situation like this?

What was your remedy?

I would appreciate any advice you might have because right now, I think I am stumped.

A New Year, With Some Kind Of New Outlook…

So the working week has finally begun after a well-deserved (and I don’t think I am tooting my own horn here) break.

This is my first post for 2012 as I took a break from blogging as well. I felt I needed to come back refreshed and attempt to have a positive outlook for the year ahead. The slog that was 2011 is behind me and I am trying to get things better all around.

The Festive Season had its fair share of drama that makes me cringe when I think about it.

We went to the in-laws for Christmas day lunch and the kids and family had a wonderful time. Only for A1, myself and A to be struck by food poisoning 24hrs later.

Note: ok, so maybe it was anywhere between 8 – 10 hrs later. And yes it was food poisoning. Some name that is long and complicated to spell and that activates within 8 – 10 hrs of ingesting said infected food (I googled clearly). Was. Not. Amused. The debilitating cramps sucked.

Luckily A had the mild version so wasn’t as sick. N didn’t have it because she is a fussy eater. I had a medium case and A1 had it worse out of all of us. It took the rest of the bloody week for the crap feeling and cramps to subside. Like literally a day before we were to spend New Year’s day lunch at the in-laws.  We survived.

After all of this we finally got to get a bit of a vacation at the coast. Ok, so we live at the coast, but we went to another area of the coast for our holiday. It was hot weather all around. The kids had a blast. We were sunburnt and exhausted. But the kids had fun. We suffered through a terrible tantrum at the mall. But the kids had fun. We didn’t get to do half of what we wanted to do. But the kids had fun. Did I mention we were exhausted? But the bloody kids had fun!

And so this brings me back to where I started. Yes, the work week has begun and so far so good (except for not being able to log into my pc for the first part of the morning. Amazingly I have remained somewhat calm). I am attempting to keep a positive outlook on this and not be as hell bent to put myself into the hospital suffering from a stroke. I will take things at a pace where I will do what I am capable of in the time I have allocated. I will also not be walked all over and will not shut up when I see that things are bordering on bloody ridiculous. Enough is enough and I will NOT be a doormat.

So here is to a super and productive if not zen 2012 folks!

I Need To Chill…

I really need to stop working myself up over things at work.

As in seriously.

I sometimes get these headaches where it feels like my eyes are going to pop outta their sockets and my brain is going to explode. Not cool.

Then the next day I am (and this is gross) cleaning bits of blood out my nose.

I don’t have a full on nose bleed, but yup, am cleaning blood out my nose.

Possibly blood pressure I think.