Of Lawnmowers and Management….

I know, I know, it is not Friday. But hey, I have the laptop and some net time and the kids are asleep. A1 is gaming so why not take a little time and type. I mean it is rare that I get the quiet time to do so.

It is currently 20h30 in the evening. It is dark. Our new neighbour, believe it or not, is mowing the lawn. Did I mention it is dark??? I’m like….

WTF????

WTF????

Anyway, it is one of those hot nights where it is just too much effort to do anything. Inside the house is hot, and the kids sleep rather restless. And when they sleep restless, it means a trip from their beds in the middle of the night (when I’m too far down the road in dreamland to even wake up and take them back) to ours. Sneaky little things they are.
Coz although you might think it’s cute on a hot night, it is more along the lines of…

WHYYY???

WHYYY???

On the work side of life I am currently busy with recruiting for a high level Executive post. It involves everybody. And I mean like EVERYBODY. Annoying really. Anyway, these self absorbed panel members are needing files made. Of all the applicants. There were 20. I need to make 15 files. Not cool. Apparently when you are in a Senior position you also apparently dont know how to work electronics, and have to have everything printed out for you. Lets hope I never make it to Senior Management anytime soon. I have mentioned so many times how much easier it would be if these things can be viewed electronically. But does anyone listen? Nooo…

Why huh? Why?

Why huh? Why?

Thank goodness it is almost middle of the week. That much closer to Friday (I’m trying to be positive here ok? Don’t mess with my mojo ;P ). Although weekends are nothing short of spectacular (read: I dont really do much of anything on a weekend), I try to not think of the dreaded week ahead. Difficult when sometimes that is all that is on my mind. I need to bloody read a book or something. Or maybe learn to bake properly? Nah, scratch that, reading is more doable.

Oooook then...

Oooook then…

PS: thanks 9GAG and MEMEfaces! You make me a happy bunny. 🙂

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I Just Dont Know…

Wow. It has seriously been a long time since I have blogged anything. It’s sad actually, but somehow it seems like things have just conspired to keep me away from here. I am not amused. I miss having a good ‘ol vent session or just to blog about the arb things happening. I remember fondly of a time when I could blog almost every day or second day. Aaah, those wonderful times. I miss it. And let me just point out that it is not for a lack of anything to say that I haven’t been on here. There probably is a lot to say. It is most probably the part where I actually sit and type it all out that seems to be the snag in the situation.

It is far from arb. The things that have been happening currently. I am seriously at a complete loss and I currently feel like I am spiraling out of control into an unavoidable black hole. Descriptive enough for you? Yeah, thought so.

The world (and life in general) is trying to swallow me whole. I haven’t been this low in ages. Granted it could just be a complete hormonal imbalance (read: breakdown) and it could just end after a month or so, like it has before. The problem is what if it doesn’t?

I have been feeling a bit disorientated (my word for a little bit depressed) for a while now. I just can’t explain it really. I don’t and wouldn’t know where to even start. This past week and a half however I have just been angry. A lot. At everything, everyone and just in general angry. Ask me why? Go ahead, seriously, ask me! Truth is, I don’t know. Maybe I just have some serious underlying issues I don’t know about or it’s a serious case of hormonal imbalance that I need to have medically checked. I also have had the same damn headache on and off (more on) for the better part of 6 days now. I’ve even gone to taking herbal stress/anxiety pills just to take the edge off.

The long and short of it is that I don’t think I am ok. But what other state can I afford to be in right now? I think it affects the relationships I have.

You know, I sometimes lie to my kids to just get away from them or to just shut them up? You know, those little white lies:

Son: “Mommy, where are you going?”

Me: “Just giving the dog some water” (aka, I need a smoke)

Son: “What’s this? Mommy, mommy, mommy, mommy…….”

(Insert mental break here)

Me: “I don’t know. (I do but it is too complicated to explain and I am too exhausted) Please don’t ask again, mommy is just going to the bathroom” (I know I am fully not intending to go)

There are many of these little things that happen that will obviously ensure that I NEVER win the mother of the year award. But I really can’t be the only one right?

I can’t be the only one that would really just like to crawl into a quiet dark place and just sleep the days away. And before you think I am exaggerating, I could literally spend all day in bed if given a chance. I don’t feel like moving or doing anything really. It’s just too much effort.

I am however surprised that I have pulled myself together long enough to type this. Do I get a medal?

I hope I get to be here more often.

Points To Ponder…

  1. Contrary to popular belief, I actually am still in the realm of blogging. I think I might have just faded into the background as reality is a bitch.
  2. The human body can apparently withstand mind numbing exhaustion up to a certain point. You know, that point when you dont make sense while speaking and you sound like you’ve been drugged.
  3. Three year olds think they know everything.
  4. No matter how you swing it, you cannot cure incompetence.
  5. After 30 times of asking, it is always the one time you dont ask that a kid needs to pee.
  6. There will always be that one thing on your grocery list that you will not find/get.
  7. Just because you are in a certain high level position does not give you the right to be a complete dick.
  8. With reference to point 7: Just because you obtained said position by doing fuckall still does not give you the right to be a complete dick.
  9. Just when you think you couldn’t sweat any more in the summer heat…
  10. Sleep is only sleep if there isn’t a foot in your rib or a hand slapping your face.

 

When You Finally Do Sleep…

The shit hits the fan. Always.

I fell into bed last night exhausted beyond measure and slept. I didn’t even dream. Nothing. Just blank and slept. Needless to say I slept to the point of not hearing my alarm go off this morning for work. I slept right through it. A full solid hour right through it. 

A1 woke me up. I usually wake up and sort a light breakfast then wake him up. He woke me up to witch I shot up out of bed and headed to the bathroom (I hate waking up in a rush. It destroys my inner karma for the day). A1 sorted out the light breakfast. Love him.

Because of the alarm blaring away both kids were up and about. It is difficult for both of us to try and get ready in the mornings with twin 3 year olds. It just doesn’t work.

So getting out of the house this morning was a mission. My eyes still hurt and I still feel groggy. My motivation for work is sitting at 0% and my mood sucks. Added to this the blistering heat (mostly humid) and I want to claw the walls. 

But thankfully today seems to be quiet (holds thumbs that it stays that way) and I am also pretty much keeping to myself. Nobody has popped by unannounced to my office to bother with crap I am really not in the mood for. So all in all this day might actually improve.

Think I’ll go make me a cup of coffee. (yes I know it’s hot, but I managed to track down a fan and put it in my office! Yay me!)

Summer, You Bastard…

I know I am doing the “be positive” thing, but bloody hell I just gotta moan about this some more!

I will not pretend to like the fact that it is as hot as hell outside. I will not pretend that I enjoy Summer so fricken much that I could easily spend my days on the beach. No, I can’t. I detest it. The heat makes me sick. It affects my mood. I hate being all sticky.

I think (more often than not) I have bitched and moaned about the heat. It is intolerable. It ranges from dry where your nose burns to totally humid where you are sticky and clammy all the time. No amounts of cool showers work as you tend to sweat worse after. It borders on ridiculous.

The kids tend to be twice as agitated with the heat. Making it impossible for them (and us) to get a good night’s sleep. Last night included. It is just not on.

N decided that around midnight she would not sleep in her bed. She was moany and wanted to sleep in ours. What she failed to realize is that it was just as hot in our room as it was in hers. No solace there. A eventually gave up and went to sleep on the couch (which is far from very comfy). I had two three year olds beat the crap out of me while attempting to fall asleep. Inclusive of a kick to the face. Wonderful. I think my last look at the clock before falling (passing out) asleep was 01h45 or something.

My cheek bone is still sore. Luckily no bruising.

Also? For the record? My office has got no fan or air con either.

My Summer curse continues…

5 Things I Learnt In The Last Two Days…

1)      It is possible to walk into a certain environment and feel your soul being sucked right out of you.

2)      1 flea = tons of damage.

3)      Appliances love breaking when you don’t have money.

4)      Apparently you can watch TV and sleep simultaneously.

5)      Sometimes a thoughtful facial expression can melt your heart.