WTF 2015?!

Before you continue reading, please note, this post contains swear words (more than normal?). Because sometimes it just seems the most appropriate way to express something. And I swear, so you’re just going to have to deal. Ok? Ok. 😉

2015, I could throat punch you. Seriously though, what the hell? You were supposed to be a year of growth and bigger and better things? You have not lived up to what I expected. I do suppose it takes two to tango and its partially my fault. But, I would like to say, if I may, I ginormous Fuck You too. And that’s me being nice. 

Ok, so its October. 
Ok, so I let 9 months pass by without so much as a blog post. 
Ok, so maybe it didn’t bother me that much?
I thought about it. Honest.  But really? I just felt that I had nothing monumental to say? Or would it matter whether I said anything at all?
And as a matter of interest, how the fuck did it get to October anyway? Where on earth did all the other months fly too? It has been somewhat of a blur I have to admit. Or maybe my brain has just decided to have an extraordinary case of the “fuckits” from the bliss of having come out of my “dark fog” as I now refer to it. 

You see, I figured I was doing ok. I figured I could wean myself off the meds when I was ready (as instructed by my specialist) because I was doing ok. I misinterpreted this extraordinary case of the “fuckits”.  As of my last checkup at the end of September, it seems I might have been a tad hasty. I was being surrounded by that “dark fog” again. And I realized that I might have been a bit too hasty in getting myself off. I didn’t give it enough time. I didn’t give myself enough time. I wanted to be whole so quickly that I didn’t take the time to focus properly on doing that. I am now back on my medication and taking it one day at a time. And I will take as long as I need to get this done properly. No short cuts this time around.

June school holidays kicked my ass. My daughter stayed in hospital for over 6 days with an infection. Six whole days ladies and gentlemen!  I damn near lost my shit. But thankfully it turned out ok in the end. Before I had a complete fucking mental break. She is fine and bubbly as ever.

I started being a bit more social again (its how I have always been, and somehow over 10 years of kids and marriage I had lost it). I rediscovered good old friends and am glad to have them still with me after all this time. I had lost touch and they were kind enough to not give up on me. Good friends indeed. 

Besides the ups and downs so far this year, I’m looking ahead. Trying to be positive. Trying. Because at the moment that is all I am capable of doing.  I am not making any promises I can’t keep, not taking on more than I can handle. Just trying. And trying is better than nothing.

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New Lease On Life…

I know the title sounds rather dramatic, but I swear that is the way it feels.
So much has happened since my last post that I am sure if I had to put it all down the post will go on for a long time. I will try and sum it up to the best of my ability.

I have always figured that something was not just right for years now already. But you know how life is, you kind of just cope and carry on. I realise now with the stressors I have had over the last years the signs were always there. Always. I have just somehow managed to cope all along. That is until my body decided to raise the alarm for me.
After months of speculating as to what my rapid weight loss could be about, including tension headaches and all kinds of other situations, I finally went for tests. Full on tests. I had avoided this forever.
It confirmed what I thought all along. Chemical imbalance leading to depressive disorder. Years. Years of denying the fact had got me to this point. Years. Besides a possible future thyroid issue, the main catalyst was the imbalance.
I now am on meds for a 6 month period after which I shall be evaluated again. I do feel it has made some difference. I see more clearly now. More clearly than I have in years. My head does not feel as cluttered. But I shall continue to monitor my own signs of improvement or none.

On the endometriosis front, well, its kind of a situation where there is little to no ovary function. Pre mature ovarian failure (I’m seriously not that old), I think those were the words used. I dont think this has affected me as much since I have my twin lovelies. Had I not though, it would have broken me. Making above situation 100 times worse. But am attempting some oestrogen treatment and we see how that goes.
On a side note: The comments recently by TV “doctor” Dr Drew has raised a storm amongst the endo community for calling the disease a “garbage bag diagnosis”. The shit storm surrounding Dr Drew has still not died down. Which is right by me. Endo is such a silent disease that there are millions of women suffering with this. Every awareness that has been raised about this disease has basically taken a knock by the “doctor’s” comments. Rest assured the shit storm is far from over.

One major change for the better is that I finally did find new employment. I actually start the 5th. I am super excited for the first time in a long time about work. This is the direction I am wanting to go and so many career opportunities that I can barely contain myself.
Those of you who have read my blog regularly will know the issues I have had surrounding the “hell hole”. Well folks, I am finally rid of that place. FINALLY. It is actually a huge weight lifted off my shoulders. It came at the right time (mainly due to situation above) in that I feel it will speed up the process of not having to be on meds of the kind I am taking now.

I think that is about as short as I can keep it without mouthing off for pages and pages. I would at least like to have you visit again. 😉

Have any of you had an experience where denial has led to something drastic health wise? Let me know in the comments. Would love to discuss.

Until next time….