1) Nothing. Absolutely Nada.
Its been a long, mentally exhausting, work week. I’ve learned nothing except anger and frustration leads to not so nice consequences on your health. Which, of course, I already knew.
How has your week been? You make it through unscathed?
A Little Less Fluff
Gather round! Gather round! And let us rejoice in the shittyness that is a Monday!
I have had a really crappy day at work. I mean just reeaallyy crappy. I woke up this morning and immediately just needed to close my eyes again. That’s how I know. That’s how I know my day, work and otherwise, is going to be straight out crap. No amount of coffee is going to spare me from the misery that is this particular Monday.
Strangely enough, I do find that sometimes (believe it or not) this doesn’t always happen on a Monday. I know right? Surely there can’t actually be such a thing as a decent Monday? Sometimes ladies & gentlemen, there is. Its rare, but there is. Because sometimes the shittyness likes to vary its days to perhaps an unsuspecting Tuesday or a wind down Thursday. But rest assured its favourite will always be a Monday.
I soldiered through today and came out a survivor. I’m tired. Bone tired. And yes, its only Monday. My levels of exhaustion has been peaking lately. I need to get back to my base line. And probably get another script for those B12’s which I have been neglecting to do. For the last couple of months. 😱 Same way I have been neglecting to reschedule my specialist appointment. I reckon he won’t be pleased when I do eventually reschedule. 😰
In any case, enough rambling.
Wishing you all a great week ahead!
A Little Less Fluff
1) The twins have a hectic weekly schedule this year, which ultimately means that by a Friday (in between me being a working mom) I’m dead.
2) Seeing someone you know deal with losing a parent is painful. Does not matter how old you are, it is just painful. And makes you even more grateful to have yours still with you.
3) In a working environment there will always be people who do not get along. And somehow you’re stuck in the middle.
4) Might sound ‘old fashioned’ but keeping a diary to stay on top of things is fantastic. (I keep two. One for work and one for home. Call it what you want, I call it not losing my shit)
5) I need another holiday.
Have an awesome weekend lovelies.
A Little Less Fluff
Happy New Year!
So here we are in 2017 and I have decided that maybe I should start with the blog again. For a whole minute I debated on starting a whole new blog, but no, my old faithful shall remain and shall continue to provide me the joy it always has. I feel at home here (no matter how long I have been away). So this is me, dusting off the cobwebs of A Little Less Fluff and letting in the fresh air. Of course, all the while attempting to write blog posts.
Naturally the posts will be as they always have been: life, kids etc so I reckon a bit of an update is needed:
The twins are now a whole 8 years old and growing into some decent little humans if I do say so myself. Grade 3 will be hectic this year but they are tough and smart and will get through it. N is taking ballet twice a week and A is taking cricket once a week. In between the hectic homework and for the first time this year doing actual exams, its going to be interesting to say the least. I am trying to balance work and their growing schedules through this all important time for them. I know it becomes even more hectic as the years go by but I am managing to so far hold it together. ☺
Work has had its ups and downs but so far I have not wanted to retreat and run for the hills yet. I reckon I am doing OK. All be it that I am kind of scouting the market. Be that as it may, I still give my very best every day. Its hard at times when you’re permanently exhausted all the time, but I have made it through.
Health wise things have been ok. 2016 had me in for yet another endometriosis related op. I hope 2017 has the foresight to just give me a damn break with that. Blessed that even though its early in the year, I have not had any probs since last op. I have a better grasp of life currently and feel a little more in control. Have to write things down to keep myself reminded of “to do’s” but if that’s what keeps me sane then so be it. It works for me.
Right, I think we’re all caught up. That is the baseline update. Just to make sure you’re all with me. 😉 How have you all been?
I will be back again soon.
xxx
Before you continue reading, please note, this post contains swear words (more than normal?). Because sometimes it just seems the most appropriate way to express something. And I swear, so you’re just going to have to deal. Ok? Ok. 😉
2015, I could throat punch you. Seriously though, what the hell? You were supposed to be a year of growth and bigger and better things? You have not lived up to what I expected. I do suppose it takes two to tango and its partially my fault. But, I would like to say, if I may, I ginormous Fuck You too. And that’s me being nice.
Ok, so its October.
Ok, so I let 9 months pass by without so much as a blog post.
Ok, so maybe it didn’t bother me that much?
I thought about it. Honest. But really? I just felt that I had nothing monumental to say? Or would it matter whether I said anything at all?
And as a matter of interest, how the fuck did it get to October anyway? Where on earth did all the other months fly too? It has been somewhat of a blur I have to admit. Or maybe my brain has just decided to have an extraordinary case of the “fuckits” from the bliss of having come out of my “dark fog” as I now refer to it.
You see, I figured I was doing ok. I figured I could wean myself off the meds when I was ready (as instructed by my specialist) because I was doing ok. I misinterpreted this extraordinary case of the “fuckits”. As of my last checkup at the end of September, it seems I might have been a tad hasty. I was being surrounded by that “dark fog” again. And I realized that I might have been a bit too hasty in getting myself off. I didn’t give it enough time. I didn’t give myself enough time. I wanted to be whole so quickly that I didn’t take the time to focus properly on doing that. I am now back on my medication and taking it one day at a time. And I will take as long as I need to get this done properly. No short cuts this time around.
June school holidays kicked my ass. My daughter stayed in hospital for over 6 days with an infection. Six whole days ladies and gentlemen! I damn near lost my shit. But thankfully it turned out ok in the end. Before I had a complete fucking mental break. She is fine and bubbly as ever.
I started being a bit more social again (its how I have always been, and somehow over 10 years of kids and marriage I had lost it). I rediscovered good old friends and am glad to have them still with me after all this time. I had lost touch and they were kind enough to not give up on me. Good friends indeed.
Besides the ups and downs so far this year, I’m looking ahead. Trying to be positive. Trying. Because at the moment that is all I am capable of doing. I am not making any promises I can’t keep, not taking on more than I can handle. Just trying. And trying is better than nothing.
And herewith is a breakdown of my 2014.
1) I discovered I was not just crazy
A monumental change in my life occurred in early 2014. I was diagnosed with a depressive disorder along with other minor issues. I was given validation that I wasnt just crazy and that thoughts and feelings and eventual body stress related illness was not just in my head. After being in denial so long (because me? depressed? NEEEVER), it was finally out there, and now I am on the road to recovery and a better outlook on life in general. I realised I have a husband and two kids. The dark cloud I was living under had finally given way to the light. It felt great to see clearly again.
Yes, some days are still hard, but I am managing better than I would have had I not been on medication. Its a slow progress, but one which is noticeable.
2) I got out of the hell hole
I think you all know that one of the catalysts which led to my eventual seeking of help was my job. In May 2014 I was successful in getting and starting another job in a new place. I am loving it. I now get to be closer to my kids and home and get to take them to school each morning. Its fantastic.
3) My kids are growing up
In 2014 my twins started Kindergarten (or Grade R as we call it here). In a matter of a month I noticed a complete change in them. My daughter started talking more (a lot more!) and my son also opened up a little more. They are growing so fast. Grade R was a huge success. In 2015 they move to Grade 1 (and yes, I shall cry once I see them in that uniform for the first time! Im not even ashamed to admit it). They will be in separate classes this year. I don’t mind. Its time they started to function individually as well. Its going to be an interesting year.
4) I almost didn’t become an aunt
My niece had a rough start to her life in 2014. At birth both her lungs collapsed (that’s a whole other story which I wont get into, but know that sometimes doctors are arseholes). Thank God for her pediatrician (who incidentally is also the twins pediatrician). He saved her life. You would never say that she went through that trauma 6 months on. I adore her. (I also claim she is my third child! lol)
5) I realised how fragile life really is
I will never forget the look in my cousin’s eyes at the loss of his son. Never.
6) I discovered vaping
And as a result I am cigarette free for 6 months already. Yay, me! I find I rather enjoy vaping. Such an awesome community of people too. Big thumbs up there.
7) Kids can get sick quickly
I have mentioned before about how germs picked up at school will still cause me to go completely insane and become mom to plastic bubble children. My daughter (as strangely the same in 2013), landed up in hospital for 4 days with a bacterial infection. It was a long four days. My child was sick. The sickest I’ve seen yet. Its heartbreaking. Its upsetting.
I’m trying not to be an over controlling germaphobe.
8) My house
I have been on a mission. I want to paint, and do shelving and declutter! Its slow, but it is actually going better than I thought it would. Granted, I started in the later part of 2014 with this mission, but I am carrying on with this into the New Year. I am trying to chronical some of that on my other blog. We’ll see how that goes.
2014 proved to be a challenging and yet successful year. It went quicker than I thought it would. I dont make resolutions for the New Year because I believe that if you want to do something you can start at any time you want to. The key is just to start. I wish you all a very prosperous New Year and may your dreams come true.
You can do it!!
I somehow have no idea how it got to November already. The year of 2014 is coming to an end and all my brain can think of is: “didn’t we just go into January 2014?”. Luckily for me, its not alot of “fog brain” compared to last year.
This is not going to be a “summing up of the year” kind of post. That comes way later. But I really just wanted to highlight that it really has flown by.
And along with it being November comes the most important month of the year. Well, to the twins at least. They will be turning 6 this month. Obviously the chatter in the house has been what they want for their birthday. Non stop. We’ve taken note of the occasional ramblings. 😉
And yes, I said 6. That’s a whole hand and one finger old. That is closer to 10. As you can tell, to grasp the concept is a little hard for me. It is again like the year, time has just flown by. My “little babies” are going to Grade 1 next year and that is just great. I will deal with that “mommy emotional issues” when I get there 😉 (I first gotta make it through the Christmas season in one piece)
I have also recently had some kind of epiphany to “re-do” the house. You know, paint, scrape and more paint, rearrange, de-clutter and the possibility of building on a new playroom/work room for the kids. Yes, I know, it seems daunting. But I am determined to make this happen. One way or another. There is so much to do, but each task will be taken one step at a time. Currently we are busy repainting the outside of the house.
I will be chronicling those trials and tribulations on my latest blog: A Little More Fluff I named it this purely because it is not based on the goings on of family and work etc. Its more décor, diy, vaping etc based. Its up and running currently so please pop on by and have a look. I also have another blog focused more on beauty, fashion, nails etc. etc. I Blog Beauty n Stuff has been up for a while. So if you haven’t gone round, it would be great if you could let me know your thoughts. And obviously I shall still be blogging on here, so don’t think this blog is going anywhere!
As always, thanks for stopping by lovelies
This was meant to happen on Friday. But clearly, I didn’t get to it.
Ok, so yes, another year older and a year…wait, wiser wouldn’t be the word. Healthier? That I am less likely to kill someone? Whereby I feel more in control of my life than I have in the last two? Where stress is not THE major catalyst that will end me(its still there, its just not the thing that’s going to prematurely bring about my demise)? I don’t know.
On Friday 29 August I became another year older. I should imagine this would be, as most birthdays should be, time to party. You know what? It didn’t phase me. I could have cared less that I was indeed another year older. Thankful for another year on earth, but that was about it. Usually, I am rather upbeat about my birthday. Usually. This year was kind of like just any other day. Normal. Absolutely normal. I just didn’t “feel” it.
I had so much love from friends’ wishes that it was wonderful and heartwarming and again I was thankful. But, I just didn’t “feel” it. You know?
Is that what happens when you grow up? (I never really wanted to do that growing up part). Or is it that a birthday (mine) just does not hold any weight with me anymore. Would that be considered weird? When I reread that part, it really did make me sound like I fell off the crazy bus. Granted, I have been on the bus more than what was considered normal, but this time, I was nowhere near. I just wasn’t into it. And it was just a pretty normal day.
Its just that I had life to do. You know, working, being mom, life. Whether that sounds like an excuse is not relevant. 😉
To all those who took the time to send a message or to call me, you’re awesome. You’re all absolutely awesome. Xoxoxo
Here is a question:
Have your own birthdays become less relevant to you as you got older? Yes or no, I would love to hear your answer. Let me know in the comments below. 🙂
With the loss of a child? A loss I would not ever in the deepest darkest pit of hatred wish on any person.
Recently my cousin and his wife went through this loss. Their son was 6 months old. I never, ever want to have to watch and bare witness to such grief ever. This happened at the beginning of August. I have only now gotten to the point of writing about it. The utter stripping of someone’s emotions in that way was more than I could take. And if that is the way I feel by it being someone else’s child, I think if I was in their shoes, it would break me. Completely and utterly break me.
When I spoke to my cousin that night I was speaking to a man who looked to be defeated by life. He just sat outside, in the dark, all alone. His wife had been sedated and was in a restless sleep in the bedroom.
What I saw in those eyes I couldn’t begin to explain. They say the eyes are the window to the soul and, think what you want, I could see a broken person on the inside. And yet outwardly he projected the role of a strong devastated husband and father with the standard “God knows best” and “in time we will heal”. No! I wanted to hit him right there. Instead, I opted for bare honesty.
I looked him square in the eye and I said you don’t have to do this anymore. You don’t have to be the strong devastated father and husband. What you are right now, is a inconsolable, grieving parent. And if you continue on this path of being sanctimonious about it, then youre going to make this harder than it already is. And if you need help then dont think anyone will judge you if you do. Its none of their business anyway.
My fragile calm was slipping. I hugged him tightly and went home to my husband and two children, crying in the car on the way home.
Chatting to my mom later the evening, she indicated to me that my cousin finally broke down. Finally. I couldn’t tell you if it was my words or just the fact that the day had finally caught up to him, but silently I prayed a thank you. I sent a msg to his wife later that evening and the thank you I received was more than enough.
Grief is handled differently by different people. However if there is even the slightest way of helping someone, even if it is a short moment during a hug, then do it. It could also just be me, but I find the usual cliché sayings at funerals to just be so grating. “It’s God’s plan”, “He/she was too good for this world”, “I can only just imagine how you must feel”.
Regarding that last statement in particular: Unless you have gone through that situation or something really really similar before this, then NO, you cannot imagine how that person feels! Not in a millions years will you ever be able to imagine how that person feels at that moment. Rather, perhaps, go with “Im not going to pretend to know how you feel, but just know I am here if you need me”. It’s not forceful and it’s not condescending. But hey, as I said, it could just be me. And no, Im not being a complete sanctimonious asshole either. I can kind of see how the above might look that way. We are tested. Daily. How you deal and who you rely on during those tests is entirely up to you.
Sometimes we go through life doing our everyday business and not stopping and smelling the roses as it were. Time could be on our side or maybe it won’t be. Good thing we don’t know. All the more reason to try and do right the first time around. And as a spanner in the works, its also never too late.
Much love
Xoxo
A Little Less Fluff
As human beings, we often tend to get caught up in the hustle and bustle of daily life and such and kind of just become drones. I know that sounds strange, but its the truth. At what point did we become like this? At what point did we forget to stop and “smell the roses” as it were?
Society in general puts pressures on the youth, young adults, working/married couples to constantly strive to that utmost of achievements. And yet when you step back, ask yourself “what is it that I truly want?”.
If you just take the smallest of moments, you’ll realise that there are people around you who love you. That friendship doesn’t end when you start a family. That the most irritating of questions from your your young children is giving you the opportunity to nurture their enquiring minds. That even if you think you are, you are not alone.
In all this, I do actually have a point, seriously, I realised that especially the last point rings so true. My post yesterday yielded such a response of support, encouragement and acknowledgement from others that it struck me (and reminded me) why I started this blog in the first place. Support, encouragement and acknowledgment.
A week ago I was thinking of deleting it all together. The husband, in his wisdom, stated that it would be a bad idea. The blog is a testament to how I’ve progressed and how far I’ve come over the years. My journey to the here and now is laid out in the 150+ posts I have. I let the thought go with a reminder to myself that I would come back to this. I did. Last night I let it all out. Here, on my blog, and I don’t regret my decision to keep it. It is truly a chronicle of my journey and I wouldn’t let it go for the world.
Yes, I know that was some deep sentimental shit right there. A little introspection does wonders for the soul.
To all my followers (old and new) I thank you. I really do. Rest assured I’ll be around more often this time. 😉
A Little Less Fluff 